Office Bogs = Church of man

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Croque_Monsieur, Oct 3, 2012.

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  1. While comfortably sitting waiting for my morning otter to appear in the office bog I got to comparing the common office bogs to churchs (as you do) and have come to the conclusion that they are essentially the same. I put forward the following points:

    - It is usually a quiet place with subdued lighting, perhaps a little gentle music in the background. A place to relax.
    - One rarely speaks at the urinal/in cubicle, or if so only in muted tones.
    - A dodgy prawn at lunch will have you kneeling before the china throne and speaking to god.
    - It is a place for confession, i.e You know Sally on the 3rd floor, well, she likes it up the ....
    - You may confess your sins anonymously from the safety of your cubicle to someone in the neighbouring cubicle.
    - It is a quite place to read and contemplate the holy scriptures (porn, car/bike mags, sh€ds monthly etc)
    - Advice is freely dispensed to solve your deep emotional issues, i.e. Fückin' go for it mate, she's a slaaaag...

    Can't comment on what happens in the wimmins bog. Arrsemaidens, we value your opinion!

    ....or throw in the hole!
  2. You even been in the girls heads? Filthy creatures, although fishing around in the sani-bins usually throws up a crotch stiffening surprise or two.
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  3. Bouillabaisse

    Bouillabaisse LE Book Reviewer

    You can tell you're not English. Talking to someone in the next cubicle? That's for foreigners and gays
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  4. When I was doing nights at a hotel down in Ayr, part of our job was to clean the girl's lavvy. I quite enjoyed going for a shit in there through the night when the place was empty. Although, in fairness, it was no different from a guys toilet apart from the extra bins and the lack of urinals.

    Anyway, C_M, I am a little worried about you.

    Any man who speaks to another man whilst in the toilet - public or otherwise - is basically just asking for a good bumming. Trust me, I'm an expert in these things.
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  5. I only ever shit in the office bogs, what's the point of squeezing out a brown trout on your own time? We used to weigh ourselves before and after and keep a leaderboard recording how much we'd been paid per gram of bum-butter.
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  6. Only cheese eating surrender monkeys would discus something in the shitter!
    It's a place of quiet solitude for an Englishman to contemplate and perhaps peruse a newspaper/jazzmag!
    As this is the NAAFI - Fuck shag wank bollocks arse tits twat cunt :)
  7. One you missed
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  8. And the graffiti's neater............they have both hands free
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  9. Since my social education was British I can tell you I most certainly do not talk whilst on the shitter! Laying cables requires concentration and meditation.

    I merely used it as an analogy to going into a confessional.
  10. Office toilets? well where I work you normally have to give the seat a rub down with bog roll to get the piss off it & some of the mucky bastards never flush, so quite often there's a brown trout lurking in the bottom of the bowl with a brown halo around it, or full on bangers & mash. If you're lucky nobody is in the cubicle next door so you can shit away without holding in childish laughter at the splashing, grunting and farting coming from the constipated manager trying to drop his guts next door. There is also something that looks suspiciously like a dried jizz stain on the back of one of the cubicle doors, its been there a long time & even the cleaners haven't touched it. Is church like that?
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  11. Place I work its like a fucking yoga session going for a would have to be mentally deranged to even contemplate sitting down.dirty bastards,the fucking lot of them.
  12. Here's one I made earlier.

  13. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Onboard one if her maj's finest grey war canoes, the gents and lady's heads were swapped around due to a change in mess decks, in turn due to a change in the number of split arses onboard.

    Anyway, what were now the male bogs, still had engraved signs on the backs of the doors stating:

    "Please do not flush sanitary products down the heads."

    To which someone had written beneath:

    "Yeah, come on lads, play the game."

    Not sure why, but this still makes me piss myself with laughter 8+ years later.
  14. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Are you on fucking drugs?

  15. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Your church looks like my bog and your bog looks like a church I once visited in Sao Paulo.