Offensive Language In The Work Place It has been brought to my attention that certain individuals have been using foul and offensive language during the execution of their duties. Due to the rising level of complaints from others who are more easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. However, I am conscious of the need for individuals to be able to express themselves clearly. With this in mind, I have drawn up a list of code phrases as replacements for the offending terms. These are to be used with immediate effect. Old Phrase New Phrase No Fcuking Way Im fairly sure that thats not feasible. Youre fcuking kidding? Really, is that true? Tell someone who gives a fcuk Have you run that one by your manager? I dont have the fcuking time Perhaps I could work late. Who fcuking cares? Are you sure thats a problem? Eat $hit and die You dont say. Eat $hit and die motherfcuker You dont say, sir. Kiss my arrse So, would you like my help? You havent got a fcuking clue You could use some training. What sort of fcukwit are you? Youre new here arent you? This place is all fcuked up Were a little disorganised today Youre a fcuking wakner Youre my boss and I respect you. Fcuk off Ill look into it and get back to you. Fcuk off dikchead I no longer require your assistance How the fcuk did you get that to work? Well done You fcuking loser You were very unfortunate there. Its all bollokcs I simply dont understand, and you can do it Go fcuk yourself Sorry, Im not familiar with that system You fcuking arrselicker Arent you the project leader? Now you fcuking tell me That seems to be a recent development Fcuk me This comes as a bit of a surprise Just fcuking do it Can you give this matter some urgency?