Offending the god botherers

I saw a couple of them smartly dressed Mormon types doing the rounds down my old street... In preparation for the inevitable knock at the door, I decided to strip bollock naked to scare them away.

A few moments later, sat watching TV trying not to burn my working parts on my brew, the door knocker goes so I get up and open it.

It was my neighbour, picking up her parcel.
In all the best films she would have eyed up the tackle, licked her lips and then rogered you senseless on the hall carpet. However I suspect that might not have happened in this case.
 
I saw a couple of them smartly dressed Mormon types doing the rounds down my old street... In preparation for the inevitable knock at the door, I decided to strip bollock naked to scare them away.

A few moments later, sat watching TV trying not to burn my working parts on my brew, the door knocker goes so I get up and open it.

It was my neighbour, picking up her parcel.
...and in further mitigation m'lud my client has delusions that he's Boris Johnson.
 
Thou shalt not murder, old boy.

From an unoffended God botherer. ;-)
Don't know what version you're reading but my King James Authorised clearly says "Thou shalt not kill" Exodus 20:13.
 
Wasn't having a dig. :D

Besides, my mum bollocked me summat rotten for telling a nun she was a salesperson for God. Meh. Got clattered for that off my mam and half-a-crown off my heathen English granny.
They are the sales people for god. Here though they go out and try and get donations, round you up for the congregation and all so the pastor can live in a bigger house, drive a bigger car and if enough stupid people join he can buy a jet to shuttle him between preaching appointments more rapidly.

Texas though, buckle of the bible belt, sometimes it is like living with Moses round the corner. I have been bothered in supermarkets, in shopping centres, at the front door, at school, bleeding everywhere.
 
Having checked which forum this is in, if you're going to buy a t shirt you might as well get a properly offensive one:

I would be a mention in the US Shootings Thread if I wore that in Texas.
 

Fat Driver

Old-Salt
I've mentioned it before but when some religious types came pestering me in my own home and was asked 'have you let Jesus into your life' my response along the lines of 'Have you let Odin into yours' was apparently rather offensive to them.
I found this to be odd as they'd come to me, uninvited, to quiz me on religion
Never invite Odin into your life he'll just take the piss to teach you a life lesson
 
They are the sales people for god. Here though they go out and try and get donations, round you up for the congregation and all so the pastor can live in a bigger house, drive a bigger car and if enough stupid people join he can buy a jet to shuttle him between preaching appointments more rapidly.

Texas though, buckle of the bible belt, sometimes it is like living with Moses round the corner. I have been bothered in supermarkets, in shopping centres, at the front door, at school, bleeding everywhere.
I was under the impression most nuns (and monks) were in the business of raising money for homeless shelters, educational projects and healthcare, and of course, sustaining their extremely modest way of living.
 

mrdude

War Hero
I love it when they come round - I end up trying to convert them to become an Atheist. They ask me If I've read the Bible and I tell them I have and then tell them it's a book of fantasy with some ridiculous stories in it - talking snakes/people turning into salt pillars/parting seas etc... I then told them that if someone came out with any storied like that today - they'd be locked up in a mental asylum.

Everything they come up with - I have a counter argument. I tell them that there's about 3000+ religions currently practiced in the world just now and there's been many thousands before their one existed - so what makes them think they are right and everyone else is wrong. Also I ask them if they believe in all those other religions - to which they say no, so I tell them that they don't believe in 3000 religions and I don't believe in 3001 - at which point they generally try and get away, but I keep talking and wasting their time.

I think I've been blacklisted from every major religion now - as none of them visit me anymore.....oh well, haha.
 

ugly

LE
Moderator
I would be a mention in the US Shootings Thread if I wore that in Texas.
Time and a place, on my own ground the sign would say leave your religion at the property boundary along with your guns.



We dont want competition do we?
 
Like many on here l enjoy a bit of banter and especially enjoy testing the resolve of the happy clappy forgiveness mob. Whilst perusing the brexit threads I saw a female wearing a t shirt bearing the logo "Quakers for peace" now despite the fact that I thought they were for porridge I had to stifle a giggle when I remembered teasing a pair of old Quaker women on the train.
They had asked what I did and I simply told them that I used the gifts the good lord had given me to smite his enemies and manage his wildlife.
I explained that as I was very good at doing both it wasn't wrong but me using the talents I had been granted as a believer and defender of the faith.
They really didnt have a cogent argument against me or even a decent response. I will remember it next time the jehovah's witnesses come around.
That all sounds rather complicated

I've only had Jevovah's at the door, the first time I was only naked as it was blazing hot and I was decorating all day

The other times I hastily stripped off when I saw it what looked like Jehovah's

Only needed to do it once at every place I've lived and they don't come back
 
I always wanted to ask them where the dinosaurs come into it. It seems a bit weird to have them living for millions of years and then just killing them off for the hell of it. What's all that about? That and the fact there's been 5 major extinctions, it would make a lot more sense if it was just mankind and that's it.

Hold out your arm and put the finger from your other hand on your shoulder. The shoulder is the creation of the earth. One inch down green algae and sludge appears. That's the first life. Carry on down your arm all the way to your watch. That's all green sludge.
Your watch is the Cambrian explosion. Life gets complicated with trilobites and stuff. Carry on moving your finger up your hand, the knuckle of your middle finger is the dinosaurs. Continue down your middle finger to the start of your fingernail, that's when they die.
The fingernail of your middle finger is the rise of mammals -dogs, cats and furry, warm-blooded things.

Now take a nail file and pass it once across your fingernail. The dust which falls away is all of human evolution and history.
 

ugly

LE
Moderator
That all sounds rather complicated

I've only had Jevovah's at the door, the first time I was only naked as it was blazing hot and I was decorating all day

The other times I hastily stripped off when I saw it what looked like Jehovah's

Only needed to do it once at every place I've lived and they don't come back
I was on a long train journey and baiting the innocent seemed a fun thing to do
 
Don't know what version you're reading but my King James Authorised clearly says "Thou shalt not kill" Exodus 20:13.
What's the point of arguing about Christian versions of the Bible? In the Hebrew version that predated them by a millenia it is "Lo Tirtsach" (Thou shalt not murder)
 
I've mentioned it before but when some religious types came pestering me in my own home and was asked 'have you let Jesus into your life' my response along the lines of 'Have you let Odin into yours' was apparently rather offensive to them.
I found this to be odd as they'd come to me, uninvited, to quiz me on religion
Optionally, if one of them is shagable, ask if they've let Pan into their lives and invite them in for an orgy. Being religious types - and thus guaranteed to be sexual deviants - you're bound to get your end away.
 

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