Offending the god botherers

Dr Death

War Hero
I have found lockdown very depressing as no gobbing off of the god bortherers/plymouth brethren in local town telling all the world will end/spurs will win the cup etc. And no knocks on the door from the hardy jehovah witnesses or is this after I asked if they were here for the blood donations?
 
No no, I'm sure it's from my gf laying down her honey-smeared body upon wheat on some linen on the earth, rolling to and fro often, then carefully gathering all the grains of wheat which stick to her moist body - Like wot Bishop Burchard said.

Or pehaps from just me thinking about her doing that.
 
I have heard about this but not seen it. AFAIK it does not apply to pig farms owned by Christian Arabs.
To me it further proves the insanity involved in this kind of god bothering since anyway, wild boar are part of the native fauna of the Land of Israel.

Similar problem in parts of Germany. Piggy tends to leave gardens and farmers fields looking like the aftermath of the Somme or Ypres. The hunters just can't shoot enough of them fast enough. They breed like rabbits er pigs. The wild boar that is, not the hunters). Part of the cause is the elimination of natural enemies, like wolves, lynx and brown bear. Then of course there's masses of food that gets binned or just left by the wayside, piggy must think he's landed a win in the lottery.
 
No no, I'm sure it's from my gf laying down her honey-smeared body upon wheat on some linen on the earth, rolling to and fro often, then carefully gathering all the grains of wheat which stick to her moist body - Like wot Bishop Burchard said.

Or pehaps just me thinking about her doing that.
Pictures or it didn't happen, you know the rules!
 
Pictures or it didn't happen, you know the rules!

have you tried using a phone/camera that has mysteriously become covered in honey?
 
Now for something different, a fairly ancient joke but perhaps worth repeating.
The scene, somewhere at the Arrse end of nowhere in the Soviet Union on a collective farm. The Kommisar wants to know from Tovarich Farmer Yevgeni Knoboffovitch what the potato crop is like.
Well says Yevgeni the crop will reach all the way to heaven.
No such thing as heaven says the Kommisar.
There are no potatoes either say Yevgeni.
The Sovs did not believe in God, not that that helped them any.

Coffee time, I'm orf.
 
Now for something different, a fairly ancient joke but perhaps worth repeating.
The scene, somewhere at the Arrse end of nowhere in the Soviet Union on a collective farm. The Kommisar wants to know from Tovarich Farmer Yevgeni Knoboffovitch what the potato crop is like.
Well says Yevgeni the crop will reach all the way to heaven.
No such thing as heaven says the Kommisar.
There are no potatoes either say Yevgeni.
The Sovs did not believe in God, not that that helped them any.

Coffee time, I'm orf.
I think it was the late Dora Bryan who told about the time she sat down in a train compartment and saw the man opposite her tearing up newspapers. She asked him why he was doing it. he replied it was too keep the elephants away. "But there are no elephants here!" she said. "Effective, isn't it?" he replied.
 
I thought the Pale was a bit of old Ireland and if you were a rotter you were posted Beyond the Pale but I am happy to be corrected
Quite probably was then , though Catherine the Great created one to keep the pesky Jews in place In the same time frame as it was being used in Ireland.
 
I think it was the late Dora Bryan who told about the time she sat down in a train compartment and saw the man opposite her tearing up newspapers. She asked him why he was doing it. he replied it was too keep the elephants away. "But there are no elephants here!" she said. "Effective, isn't it?" he replied.
Have a groan, delivered free of charge.
 
I think it was the late Dora Bryan who told about the time she sat down in a train compartment and saw the man opposite her tearing up newspapers. She asked him why he was doing it. he replied it was too keep the elephants away. "But there are no elephants here!" she said. "Effective, isn't it?" he replied.

Reminds me of a Goon show quote

BLOODNOK:
You Chinese think of everything

MORIARTY:
But I'm not Chinese!

BLOODNOK:
Then you must have forgotten something! You should be more careful, give me the money.
 
Omniscient, Omnipotent, Omnipresent.

God created the universe and everything in it and knows everything that will happen, including all of your future sins. Everything you do, he set in motion.

The ****.
Lets just suppose that God exists, just for a couple of minutes.
He's got all the 'Omni's' but I'll just go with Omnipresent.
This means he was around during that period in Auschwitz et al.
It means he was around when The Aberfan Disaster happened in 1966.
He obviously approved of Myra Hindley and Ian Brady because he was around and did absolutely fuck all to help their victims.
For the ultimate obscenity look up The Bullenhuser Damm >> Bullenhuser Damm - Wikipedia
Not a lot of God in any of these places or he/she/it really doesn't give a shit.

"Suffer little children to come unto me" the son of God said.
I never really got what that meant but I think I do now.
Seems like God gets off on little children suffering and has forgotten the art of Divine Intervention which he was so good at in The Old Testament.

I think the Devil got a bad press and is probably a nice bloke who was sickened by God the nasty cunt.
 
I think the Devil got a bad press and is probably a nice bloke who was sickened by God the nasty cunt.
The Devil is the father of lies and will trick you.
Lucifer gave fire and light to mankind.
God punishes the innocent and promises everlasting life.

Conclusion: "God" is the devil, the bible is lies. Lucifer is actually the almighty.
 

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