Ode to the mary hinge....

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Squiggers, Nov 20, 2012.

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  1. Thought some on here would appreciate this little ditty, courteousy of this page on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Confessions-Of-A-Uni-Student/439249686139430). Doubt this would stop many of you reprobates mind.

    And yes, these are the "brightest minds of a generation.". Scary thought.


    This is a merely a tale, of a poor innocent boy,
    he was getting so desperate; his palm gave no joy.
    It had been many weeks, our housemate was longing!
    Almost any girl would do, he’d give her a schlonging.

    So we planned to go out, he had to get laid!
    Many girls in town, a vagina he’d raid.
    He bought some new jeans, and a haircut too!
    A short back and sides, from his hairdresser, Sue.

    3 litres of cider, his weapon of choice!
    The mighty Dutch courage, an arrogant voice.
    Our taxi arrived, at 10.22!
    So early for Leadmill, there wasn’t a queue.
    He stumbled inside, completely steaming!
    But when he looked round, he started screaming.
    “Where are the girls” he cried! What have you done!
    To my dismay he was right, there were absolutely none.

    So we went to the bar and drank shot after shot,
    Biding our time, until we saw someone hot.
    It didn’t take long, a stunner walked in!
    Her body he thought, he would soon be in.
    He approached her quickly, but to his dismay,
    He was too inebriated, she turned him away.
    3 hours passed and he was getting lairy.
    He’d settle for anything; except someone hairy.
    So he scoped out the room, targeted his prey!
    A young fresher girl, would be his next lay!
    There she was standing, over there at the side,
    “I have a large penis”, he cunningly lied!
    Next thing he knew, he was taking her back,
    He simply couldn’t wait, to unload his ballsack.

    “She’s a five but she’ll do”, he judged of his haul,
    “A mouth is a mouth”, was his motto after all.
    Upstairs they ran! They dived on his bed!
    Like a child at Christmas, he was hoping for head.
    She duly obliged, his face filled with glee!
    But then, my dear reader, just what did he see.
    It was totally abhorrent, he’d seen nothing fowler,
    For between her legs, she was harbouring a growler!
    For a moment he stood; he couldn’t not stare!
    How was it possible to have so much hair?
    He screamed and ran off, just what should he do?
    He hid in the toilet, pretending to poo.

    Next thing we know, he rang up my phone!
    “Help me he cried!”, “I’m all on my own!”
    So back home I went, I heard our boy shout.
    I sent the girl packing, she had to get out!
    On the floor he whimpered, told me what he’d seen!
    I knew just the remedy: a trip to Dan Bean.
    We walked to the friery and bought fish and chips.
    “how could she”, he sobbed, “have such hairy lips”.
    But when we got food, our mouth-watering dish.
    “tremendous”, he cried, “What truly great fish!”

    This is a true story, that you have just read,
    For after the drama, we put him to bed.
    Oh how he now laughs, about that monstrous sight,
    He keeps on forgetting, how it ruined his night.
    Girls of Sheffield! Make notes! Take heed!
    For your male companions don’t like pubic weed!
    Remember the lessons here, and learn from his plight!
    Because hairy vaginas can ruin your night.