Ode to my Turd

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by LIMA, Sep 10, 2012.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. after an extended period of the Shits I finally am producing solids again.
    I was so moved I wrote a Poem about it .... thought you might like to know.

    I`ll get my Coat..............

    Oh great and mighty Turd of me
    Your beauty here for all to see
    I pushed you out it took some time
    for your longness to untwine

    into the Pan I layeth you
    sitting on the Pot askew
    with muscles straining all around
    deposit I this steaming mound

    The Smell was foul that rose around
    and seeped into the underground
    and proclaimed to all those near
    This was indeed a Turd to fear

    In Valleys coloured purplish green
    the eye did catch a little sheen
    of brown and black and green and blue
    and yellow from the sweetcorn too

    The Pot did crack under the strain
    of this great effort and great pain
    the starfish stretched to breaking point
    whilst beads of sweat my head anoint

    Oh Turd of mine I sing thy praise
    for thou hast set my Arse ablaze
    I set thee free and pull the chain
    never to see you again
    • Like Like x 6
  2. Dusty in 'ere.
    • Like Like x 2
  3. RIP turd. Swim free, brave chunk.
    • Like Like x 3
  4. Poet Laureate material, unless I'm very much mistaken.
    • Like Like x 1
  5. Yes our current Poet Laureate leaves such a nasty taste in the mouth
  6. Poe has nothing on this bloke. ARRSE needs a resident poet.
  7. 1/8 Vogon on his mother's side.