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Discussion in 'Blue Jokes' started by portlandbill, Mar 8, 2011.

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  1. There once was a man named Dave,
    who kept a dead whore in a cave,
    she had only one tit,
    and smelled worse than shit,
    but think of the money Dave saved.



    There once was a man from Kubot
    who lived off of toe jam and snot,
    when he had none of these,
    he lived off the cheese,
    from the tip of his grungy old cock.



    There once was a man from Kent,
    whose cock was so long it bent,
    to save himself trouble,
    he put it in double,
    and instead of cumming he went.



    There once was a man from Nantucket,
    whose cock was so long he could suck it,
    while licking his chin,
    he said with a grin,
    if my ear was a pussy I'd fuck it.



    Little Willie Winkle
    with a thirst for gore
    stapled his sister to the door,
    "Now Willie", his mother said with humor quaint,
    "Don't do that, you'll scratch the paint"



    There once was a man named Ken
    who banged a girl in his den,
    he knew something's wrong
    when a wart grew on his shlong
    and now he's in his den with Ben.



    There once was a woman from Timbuktu
    who was still a virgin at twenty two
    till her boyfriend came along
    and pumped her all night long
    now she's at home with a baby named lulu.



    There once was this guy called Mike,
    who met this chick he really liked,
    He tried to get near,
    and she gave him a sneer,
    cause the chick was a full-fledged dyke.



    There once was a man from Peru
    Who had a lot of growing up to do,
    He'd ring a doorbell,
    then run like hell,
    Until the owner shot him with a .22



    There once was a man from York
    who picked his nose with a fork
    when it got stuck
    he cried "I don't give a fuck"
    and walked around looking like a dork.



    There was a farting contest coming to town
    and people came from miles around
    the first fart was extremely loud
    the second fart pleased the crowd
    the third fart, the judges cried
    "He shit his pants, he's disqualified!"



    There once was a man from kanass
    Who's nuts were made out of brass
    in stormy weather
    he'd clack them together
    and lightning shot out of his ass



    There once was a security guard
    Who had some troubles keeping it hard
    He jerked it off nightly
    And squeezed it tightly
    while looking at his identification card.



    There once was a man from Peru
    who fell asleep in a canoe
    while dreaming of Venus
    he played with his penis
    and woke up all covered with goo



    Gorgey Porgey puddin and Pie.
    Jerked off in his girlfriends eye.
    When her eye was good and shut,
    Gorgey Fucked that one eyed slut.



    I once knew a person named Burl
    Whose looks would make you hurl
    why do I say it?
    I'm not full of shit
    this thing was half boy and half girl.



    There was a young gypsy girl Rose
    With obsessions for gentlemens' hose
    Up her pussy, her rear,
    In her mouth and each ear
    And her cute little freckle-tipped nose.



    There was an old lady from Wheeling,
    who had a funny feeling
    she laid on her back,
    and tickled her crack
    and pissed all over the ceiling



    There once was this guy named Stan
    Who had some trouble being a man
    He wore a dress and high heels
    And drove a Chevrolet with pink wheels
    And soon Stan became a tran



    There once was a man from Monclair
    Who screwed his wife on the stair,
    The banister broke,
    He quickened his stroke
    And finished her off in the air.



    There once was this guy named Gored
    Whose girlfriend was as flat as a board
    He'd suck as hard as he could
    And pulled them more then he should
    But soon even Gored got bored.



    Mary had a little sheep,
    And with this sheep
    She went to sleep.
    The sheep turned out
    To be a ram
    And Mary had a little lamb!



    A sexy young maiden named Jill
    Tried a dynamite stick for a thrill
    They found her vagina
    In North Carolina
    And bits of her tits in Brazil



    There once was a man from St.Paul
    Who swore he had but one ball
    Two dirty young bitches
    Tore down his breeches
    And found he had none at all.



    There was a young man from St. Rose,
    Whose love life was so full of woes,
    He loved sixty-nine,
    He'd do it all the time,
    But always got shit on his nose.



    There was an old hag named Van Cleef,
    Who was constantly passing a queef.
    One day while visiting the farm,
    She passed one meaning no harm,
    But killed the whole herd of beef.



    There once was a man named Lou
    Whose cum shots grew and grew
    By the time they were done
    He was having no fun
    Because the world was covered with goo!



    There once was a man from Moline
    who made a jack off machine
    at thirty-two strokes
    the cock sucker broke
    and turned his balls into cream!



    There once was a man named Eugene
    Who invented a screwing machine
    Concave and convex
    It served either sex
    And it played with itself in between.



    A peach is a peach
    A plum is a plum
    A kiss isn't a kiss without some tongue
    So open your mouth
    Close your eyes and
    Give your tongue some exercise!



    There was a young lady from wheeling
    Bereft of all sexual feeling
    But when a young man named Boris
    patiently licked her clitoris
    she had to be scraped off the ceiling.



    There was a young man named McSweeny
    Who spilled some gin on his weenie
    Just to be couth
    He added Vermouth
    And gave his girlfriend a martini!



    There once was a man from Calcutta.
    He jerked off in a gutter.
    The tropical heat
    Affected his meat
    And instead of cream he got butter.



    A peach is a peach
    a plum is a plum,
    a kiss ain't a kiss without a little tough,
    so open your mouth and close your eyes,
    and give your tongue some exercise.



    There once was a man from Lenore
    Whose mouth was wide as a door.
    While attempting to grin,
    He slipped and fell in,
    And he laid inside out on the floor!



    I woke early one morning,
    The earth lay cool and still
    When suddenly a tiny bird
    Perched on my window sill,
    He sang a song so lovely
    So carefree and so gay,
    That slowly all my troubles
    Began to slip away.
    He sang of far off places
    Of laughter and of fun,
    It seemed his very trilling,
    brought up the morning sun.
    I stirred beneath the covers
    Crept slowly out of bed,
    Then gently shut the window
    And crushed his fucking head.

    I'm not a morning person.


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