I went for a pint with my brother the other night. He's just been made redundant, but is quite happy about it. He got a big pay off and starts a new job at the end of June. I asked him what he said in the elbow interview. He said, that after they'd dropped the bombshell, they said 'Do you have any questions?' His response was, "Is there a World Cup Wallchart on the back of the cheque?" So I had to go for a pint with someone, with a load of dosh and a month off. The fcuker was buzzing. As a few more people came in and congratulated/commiserated with him, the conversation veered towards our number one pastime, the art of the thrap. My brother told us about a bloke at his last job, who was the self proclaimed king of 'Oddbodding' "What the fcuk is Oddbodding?" says I. "Aaaaahh Convoy, you see, you don't know everything about wa-nking, just almost everything." He then explained. Oddbodding is the practice of constructing wa-nking strength anecdotes or scenarios from little or no material. It gets it's name from the popular character in the film Carry On Screaming, who is created by Jon Pertwee using only the finger of Oddbod senior. It's proponents can demonstrate a superhuman ability, in which they concoct the most unlikely mental-porn-film collages from the most innocuous encounters with femalekind. I'd never heard of a handle actually being laid on this practice, but realised that I am an enthusiastic, though unknowing adherent to it's principles. Yes, I sometimes opt for the more obvious choices available to the discerning onanist, like Razzle and my copy of Chasey loves Rocco, but it's also important to keep ones hand in for the drought periods when the dvd player isn't working or I can't get the nerve up to buy filth from the newsagents. At these times, Oddbodding skills are essential. I recently used a photocopier, to save myself writing something out 150 times. When I went to use it, I found that another person, a woman, had beaten me to it. She was nice looking and smiled at me, pausing her photocopying to say kindly "I'll just be a minute. I've only got a couple left to do." That very evening I had Oddbodded the experience. Because her face was nice, but her body showed imperfections, I transferred her swede on to Chasey Lain's body. I then proceeded to have a good milk on the strength of her "only got a couple left to do" statement, morphing her words to imbue them with a sexual loading entirely absent from the original conversation. Now that this practice has been accorded a title, I intend to see how far I can push it. I want to find out just what is the flimsiest amount of grumble material that can allow me to knock one out. I would be interested to hear of other arrsers experiences in this field.