Objects Squaddies Put In Unusual Places

#1
I knew this fat RMP Corporal whose favourite insertion fetish was for his girlfriend to insert the top of a Head and Shoulders bottle in his hoop whenever they did the beast with two backs. He never did get dandruff up there 8O (No I didn't get to check myself :) )

I am sure there are loads of tales out there whereby poor deluded DPM clad buffoons have had similar experiences. Pray tell!
 
#2
I seem to remember a certain jock in Hildesheim who got a daisy stuck down his japs eye, apparently the hairs on the stem point outwards making it almost impossible to remove. 8O
 
#3
There was a Sergeant in the RAC whose party trick was to pick up coins between the cheeks of his arse. My mate's dad was watching, he pulled a handful of loose change from his pocket, held it in a column between finger and thumb and heated it with a cigarette lighter.

Then he tossed the coins on the floor for this Sgt to pick up and much mirth and merriment ensued.

msr
 
#4
I knew a liney who for some bizzare reason, use to have competitions with him self on how many two pences he could hold in his foreskin, i think he said his record was 32 at the last count.

I also know a female squaddie who decided to wnak her self off using a can of impluse deoderant spray, and got the cap stuck up her.

Very strange being a guard commander, and having a female come in asking for the duty medic to be called out, then having to explain why.

The Razzer had a good chuckle at the occurance book next morning, she was receiving flowers from every one on parade for weeks!!
 
#5
Once saw 2 guys in a hardman contest, rubbing scotchbright on their bellends. Both were crying, but neither gave in.
 
#6
in my heady days of being an RMA, Sennelager med centre, a wifey came in needing a doctor, had 'used' a light bulb and it had broke!!!!

I was ushered out of there post haste, while RAMC sorted it out before shipping her out by Ambo to BMH!!!

shocking I say :lol:
 
#8
Soldiers certainly do put things in the most extraordinary places. You spend hours drawing up loading plans and they just ignore them, really I mean to say...

We had a bombardier who liked to jam a brown sauce bottle (curiously appropriately) up his jacksee when on stag. He claimed it made him concentrate better. We should probably have discharged him but he was a fcuking good flaggy/ack and could bring FACE back to life by some magic. Probably threatened to stuff a brown sauce bottle up its jacksee...
 
#9
A not to be named officer in a scottish regt asked his wife if B Range was an option.

She replied that it would be only if she could stick a cucumber up his brown-eye.

He agreed and the deal was struck.

Good Work fella.
 
#10
Full screw was on the lash with his other half, and both of them got quite drunk.

While he was at the bar she let out that he like her to wear a strap on, and give him the good news.

The blokes never really took him seriously after that!
 
#11
One of the lads I joined up with later got into this habit of putting the filter end of a lit tab in his japseye whilst in the Screws Mess. I am sure he's since died of some sort of penile cancer.

Another one used to poke a string of beads in his darkened tunnel and whilst on his vinegar stroke whilst rodgering his latest barrack groupie, could be heard shouting through gritted teeth, 'Pull ............... the ah ah ah urg pull the .................... oh jesus .............................. pull the fecking beads

I am sure his war face was a pretty picture, not unlike those who cry mlllllllllllllarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

:lol:
 
#12
Sabre said:
I knew a liney who for some bizzare reason, use to have competitions with him self on how many two pences he could hold in his foreskin, i think he said his record was 32 at the last count.
I have heard of this bloke when I was at 7 Sigs a few years ago. Another bloke their used to stuff cockles up his nose when he had had a few. I seem to remember he would fit most of a jar into his nasal cavity. You would be having a fag and a natter around the trailer of knowlege a few days later and he would still be pulling the fcuking things out and, if you were not careful, be secreting them in your brew. Dirty b@stard.

Someone ought to post a question in the RAMC forum to see what unusual stuff the Operating Department Practitioners/nurses and the A&E nurses have had to pull out of certain parts of bodies. Always makes me chuckle when we see "removal of foreign body from rectum" on the operating list.

I nursed a bloke on a surgical ward once who had an examination under anaesthetic of his rectum and it turned out he had wood shavings up there. He insisted that he had been eating a lot of sunflower and pumkin seeds. We just said "oh, that'll be what it is" to his face and proceeded to lock ouselves in the ward office pissing ourselves laughing for the next 10 mins.
 
#13
From Objects per rectum


I have a butt page story for you, but, unfortunately, no documentary evidence. The story was told me by my brother, who used to lodge with a nurse. It is the nurse's story. About five years ago an old WW2 veteran used to come into a hospital clinic in the east end of London suffering from bad haemorroids (piles). The clinic did what they could, but they could never relieve the most painful pile, which would hang down and get stuck on the seam of the man's underpants. To rid himself of the nuisance of this pile, the old man used to push it back up into his rectum using the artillery shell from an anti-aircraft gun he used to man in the war. One day the shell got stuck and the man was forced to hobble down to the hospital to get it removed. As the doctor was about to insert his fingers into the old man's rectum to remove the shell he said 'Of course, this shell is spent, isn't it?' 'Oh no,' said the old man 'There's enough ammo in that shell to blast a Messerschmidt (sp?) out of the sky.' So the doctor called in the army bomb squad, who built a lead box around the old man's asshole and defused the shell in situ, before removing it.
I take the story with a pinch of salt but....
 
#14
There was an ODP and a BMS who used to have competions putting 10p coins in their foreskins, mind the OLD 10p pieces 8O Record and I can visually athenticate that, was 92......fair made my eyes water :twisted:

Another classic tale is from the CMH and a young Guards officer coming in to A&E with rectal pain, one x-ray later showed the culprit to be a vibrator.....funniest thing was it was still on when the Surgeon removed it :twisted:
 
#16
The_Monocled_Mutineer said:
Full screw was on the lash with his other half, and both of them got quite drunk.

While he was at the bar she let out that he like her to wear a strap on, and give him the good news.

The blokes never really took him seriously after that!
Hmm..I think I would have taken him very seriously after that...or possibly roughly from behind!
 
#17
Op Telic - one soldier (male), another (female)....and a 40mm UGL bomb (live).

I always insisted that the carboard sleeve was firmly in place when I drew UGL bombs from then on!
 
#18
On inspecting rooms that should have been boxed up prior to ops, i once found a stilleto which had a blood stained condom on the heel. :?

I didn't even ask!! 8O
 
#19
Dui-Lui, I know the Lab Tech in Question very well, his total was well over £10.00, Last time i heard.
Cracking guy, but he promised his missus when they got married he would stop.
Where are you now, P.S. !!!!????
 
#20
chokinthechicken said:
Dui-Lui, I know the Lab Tech in Question very well, his total was well over £10.00, Last time i heard.
Cracking guy, but he promised his missus when they got married he would stop.
Where are you now, P.S. !!!!????
if you want to know, PM me.......he only did it when he was very minging, which we got him as many times as possible :twisted:
 

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