Obituaries

With Abbott looking a bit iffy, Corbin looking ever crushed, HMQ + spouse really pushing it and Meghan lining up for a bridge/ brain stem interface, what are your predictions for the Alt ARRSE obituary catch phrases?

Abbott: the nation has lost one of the great comic geniuses of our age.

Carry on.

(Or not based on how most of the threads I’ve started panned out).
 
Bugsy, aged 76. Or 78. Maybe 81.

Anyhow.

He was born into a large family of 12. Or 15. Maybe 14.

Educated locally, he taught himself German, Italian, Austrian, Swiss and was fluent in Bollox by the age of 4.

Whilst still gestating he also learnt Mandarin, French and Xhosa. However, by the time of his birth he had forgotten those languages.

A close friend-a Nottingham pigeon who wishes to remain anonymous-said, 'He was a dear friend to us all, though I felt closest to him as he shouted at me the loudest. I feel that, with his passing, a huge gap has been left in my life. It'll take me forever to find such a willing target for my disease-riddled faeces'.
 

mrdude

War Hero
For all those that are worrying about the UK energy supply and renewable energy....Well when Abbot is cremated - we could power a small city for about a month from the heat produced - all we would need is a steam turbine hooked up to the crematorium when it's time to 'cook' her.

Also I heard from some wee guy - when Dianne Abbot goes jogging - she's been know to knee herself in the chin (and occasionally stand on her own tits).
 
We'd always known Dianne Abbott was a shoe in for the Deadpool
 
V.V. Putin - He was a great supporter of assisted suicide and professional journalism. Pioneer of alternative radiotherapy treatments and would generously offer free holidays to his political opponents. Was particularly successful in the fields of US elections and foreign policies.
 
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Diane Abbot about the death of the former labour leader:

It is with great joy that I, Abby Dabbot, must report on this day, the 53rd of October 1875, that our former leader, the fabulous Jerome Corbine DFO has sadly passed away after a long battle with heart attack disease. He will always be remembered for.....erm.....erm....lots of things and...erm....leading us through 3 general election defeats. I personally will miss his weasely little face bobbing up every now and again as he performed heroics on me. He supported me through thick and thicker, always managing to carry me, despite a double hernia. His close friend, Gerry Adams, asked me to pass on his condolences, he said God bless you brother, thanks for supporting the cause.
God bless you Johnny and God bless these United States of England!
 
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It is with great joy I must announce the fabulous news that indeed, The Witch is Dead, The Witch is Dead.
Nicola Sturgeon, the male half of the double act The Krankie’s has died after a short bout of pleurisy, (s)he was caught out in the open without her wellies (Copyright Billy Connolly)
 
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Cold_Collation

LE
Book Reviewer
Diane Abbott?

"She gave hope to others. She showed how it is possible, through slavish toeing of the party line, for just about anyone, no matter how talentless, to be promoted to within sight of a government position.

She brought people together. People from all parts of the political spectrum joined together to shake their heads or stare, disbelieving and open-mouthed, each time she spoke.

She was the people's racist."
 
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Emmanuel Macron. French President dies aged
12 3/4
Obituary by British Prime Minister. Boris Johnson

eerrrr, whibble, erm, President, erm, Frog. French bloke. Erm huge blow. Huh. Who’d have thought, Dartford Tunnel, accident, white Fiat Uno, bloody press. I, we, Great Britain, sad, despite being a frog, Brexit hater, indeed English hater. Bloody good bloke. Errr, funeral. Can’t attend, must get Brexit done! Harrah
 
V.V. Putin - He was a great supporter of assisted suicide and professional journalism. Pioneer of alternative radiotherapy treatments and would generously offer free holidays to his political opponents. Was particularly successful in the fields of US elections and foreign policies.
Made a cracking brew as well: one lump of Polonium or two?
 

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