Me and the frau had a domestic of epic proportions last night, resulting in an evening of petty snipes, mudslinging and general pettyness. Rather than kip in the spare room I decided to be a martyr and slept fully clothed on the couch. This morning at 07:20 I was awoken to one of the most revolting reveille's since my days of serving. My little one had got herself out of bed, come downstairs, got herself a biscuit and decided she needed the potty. She managed, without the aid of an adult, remove her pyjama's and squat on her plastic throne..... moments later I was awoken by a trickling of early morning baby p1ss all over my sleeping, slavver soak face.. Of course I immediatly woke up and my trained killer instinct failed to take over and I was clueless were I was or what was being poured on me..... I bolted upright and banged my bonce off the edge of the potty freeing the miniature king richard that was stuck to the bottom, this hit me on the forehead, broke in two and fell on the couch after following the contours of my face on thier downward journey....... in my attempt to break free and run like fcuk I put my hand in it releasing a stench comparable to the inside of an alcoholics arrse. She found it truly hillarious, and if I'm honest once I got a shower and cleaning the earth kitt up I also saw the funny side...... But I shook her unconcious as a precautionary measure Any other arrsers been awoken via the gift of having someones innards being dumped on them?