AFKAC's question in the Urban Myths thread made me think about the blokes who were mental - not just pretending to be. A Geordie blerk at a Workshop I was at never seemed âquite right', you would sit with him at NAAFI break and think, 'You are not quite the full tube of Smarties mate'. There was something about him that went beyond the normal squaddie mental. One night, on the pop after waiting on at the Sgtsâ Mess, he declared that he didn't want to be with our Workshop any more and would rather be with his brother in a nearby Inf Regt - so he wanted a posting to their LAD. Apart from being nearer his brother his main reason for this was the fact he wouldn't have to wait on in the Sgts' Mess and if you did you would get more that the lousy 20DM ED pay. He chuntered on and on about it for about 3 hours, getting madder and madder. He disclosed his master plan to bring this about to us (or anyone who would listen) He would âactâ the loon with the only 'cure' for this loonyness being his much wanted posting. After a couple of weeks of being only slightly weirder than he was every other day of the year he executed the jewel in the crown of his insanity plan. He was stagging on at the main gate and had been out for about half an hour when he went inside the Guardroom and handed in his SLR (complete with magazine and 20 rounds still attached) to the Guard Commander. He explained (with eyes bulging manically) that he shouldnât have the gat because if he saw the any members of the WO/Sgts' Mess (especially the REME RD NCO) he would would slot them'. The Guard commander weighed the situation up in a flash â took the gat off of him â¦â¦and his beltâ¦â¦â¦ and his laces - and threw him inside, where he stayed until a wagon from Wegberg came and picked him up. He didnât get his posting; he got the grand order of the boot from the Army. Nucking Futter .