NSFW - Vomit inducing, poppy related e-mail chain

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Taff49, Nov 7, 2011.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Recieved this last week, had been out for a few days and playing catch-up with e-mithers, or I would have spread the puke-inducing early.
    The dialogue was accompanied with a serious of pics about how awesome squaddies are, along with a copuple of pics of RWB and hearse's at the end


    "They are doing their bit.....please do yours by reading this and forwarding it to someone else:



    The average British soldier is 19 years old…..he is a short haired, well built lad who, under normal circumstances is considered by society as half man, half boy. Not yet dry behind the ears and just old enough to buy a round of drinks but old enough to die for his country – and for you. He’s not particularly keen on hard work but he’d rather be grafting in Afghanistan than unemployed in the UK . He recently left comprehensive school where he was probably an average student, played some form of sport, drove a ten year old rust bucket, and knew a girl that either broke up with him when he left, or swore to be waiting when he returns home. He moves easily to rock and roll or hip-hop or to the rattle of a 7.62mm machine gun.


    He is about a stone lighter than when he left home because he is working or fighting from dawn to dusk and well beyond. He has trouble spelling, so letter writing is a pain for him, but he can strip a rifle in 25 seconds and reassemble it in the dark. He can recite every detail of a machine gun or grenade launcher and use either effectively if he has to. He digs trenches and latrines without the aid of machines and can apply first aid like a professional paramedic. He can march until he is told to stop, or stay dead still until he is told to move.


    He obeys orders instantly and without hesitation but he is not without a rebellious spirit or a sense of personal dignity. He is confidently self-sufficient. He has two sets of uniform with him: he washes one and wears the other. He keeps his water bottle full and his feet dry. He sometimes forgets to brush his teeth, but never forgets to clean his rifle. He can cook his own meals, mend his own clothes and fix his own hurts. If you are thirsty, he'll share his water with you; if you are hungry, his food is your food. He'll even share his life-saving ammunition with you in the heat of a firefight if you run low.

    He has learned to use his hands like weapons and regards his weapon as an extension of his own hands. He can save your life or he can take it, because that is his job - it's what a soldier does. He often works twice as long and hard as a civilian, draw half the pay and have nowhere to spend it, and can still find black ironic humour in it all. There's an old saying in the British Army: 'If you can't take a joke, you shouldn't have joined!'


    He has seen more suffering and death than he should have in his short lifetime. He has wept in public and in private, for friends who have fallen in combat and he is unashamed to show it or admit it. He feels every bugle note of the 'Last Post' or 'Sunset' vibrate through his body while standing rigidly to attention. He's not afraid to 'Bollock' anyone who shows disrespect when the Regimental Colours are on display or the National Anthem is played; yet in an odd twist, he would defend anyone's right to be an individual. Just as with generations of young people before him, he is paying the price for our freedom. Clean shaven and baby faced he may be, but be prepared to defend yourself if you treat him like a kid.
    He is the latest in a long thin line of British Fighting Men that have kept this country free for hundreds of years. He asks for nothing from us except our respect, friendship and understanding. We may not like what he does, but sometimes he doesn't like it either - he just has it to do.. Remember him always, for he has earned our respect and admiration with his blood.

    And now we even have brave young women putting themselves in harm's way, doing their part in this tradition of going to war when our nation's politicians call on us to do so."

    in your own time, throw up.....
     
  2. Was it originally American and a few bit changed for us?
     
    • Like Like x 2
  3. I've heard this before. I think it was about this time last year. Everybody was putting it on facebook, as you do.
    The last line, about the women, is new though, and probably good its in there.
    Now I'm off to the bogs, I can't hold it in any longer xD
     
  4. Hmmm, I don't think this was the Army I was in..... I was fat, gungy, beer swilling lazy git...... or so a number of my SNCOs said. But having said this.... I was still 'One of Lads'.... a Sodjier of the 1960s and 1970s.... as for being able to strip and reassemble my SLR Bundook in the dark in 25 seconds..... Nay, nay lad..... 'twas never so.....

    Hmmm, I have still to 'open my bowels'.... and let the world pour out this morning.... Hmmm, Matron tells me I need to take my Meds again.... Was I ever that fit, Fighting man.... well, rumours have it........ but that is another story, and I have to think of Farmer Brown's sheep and Persec... and those mystery turds that appeared on the Colonel's desk one dark night.... ?? it wasnae me
     
  5. I know the thing in it's entirety kiffs a bit, but this line raised a smile...

    Good t-shirt slogan I reckon!
     
  6. Forgets to brush his teeth? Badmin.
     
  7. It must have been american first, I sure as hell can't strip an A2 in 25 seconds, I've just about managed the first pin by then!

    Facebook has not been so bad this year, so far...

    Off to vom in the bogs now!
     
  8. I don't know, I thought it was rather touching.




















    What's that you say? Pills again nurse? Why, thankyou your penguin-ness!
     
  9. FFS speak English

    assume this refers to the SLR cocking handle/bottle opener?
     
  10. 'He moves easily to rock and roll or hip-hop or to the rattle of a 7.62mm machine gun.'

    Don't like Hip hop and never had a 7.62

    Will frank sinatra and the rattle of a DROPS engine do?
     
  11. The OP's offering was also published here a few days ago.

    Read the thread.

    And weep.
     
  12. Quite a lot of shat doing the rounds. You cringe then a year later some twat emails you again! What was that awful one where a little girl talks to soldiers in an aiport and he has a "special" radio to talk to her dad. OOh bile rising! Or people who stand up in lines in supermarkets to say deep things to women in Burkhas who complain about stuff.

    What a load of bollocks
     
  13. Just wait till the Christmas schmulzt (spl) hits us, especially the mostly (but unfortunately no longer exclusively) American variety.
     
  14. Patronising, emotive, condescending, trite, cliched tripe.
     
  15. Emotive, as in wanting to pop into the garage, and polish up the old ball-pein hammer?