Not my child's real Father it seems.....

#1
School holidays and I've finally switched off from work for a few days and had a conversation with the offspring. And to be honest I wish I hadn't because the 7 year old I have spent so much money supporting and so much time teaching to fart, belch and be sarcastic appears to be here under false pretences.

It seems that a Teaching Assistant has put the idea into her head that I am not her Father and that some elderly bloke that no-one has ever seen is instead. From what I can gather this woman reckons that the same bloke has fathered every other kid in the school too. What's more he has made no effort to pay for her keep or visit but she should love him unconditionally.

What do I do? It goes without saying that I need to black the Mrs's eye, but what do I do next? Can I get him to pay his way using the CSA? Do I need to get the lothario onto Jeremy Kyle?
 
#3
School holidays and I've finally switched off from work for a few days and had a conversation with the offspring. And to be honest I wish I hadn't because the 7 year old I have spent so much money supporting and so much time teaching to fart, belch and be sarcastic appears to be here under false pretences.

It seems that a Teaching Assistant has put the idea into her head that I am not her Father and that some elderly bloke that no-one has ever seen is instead. From what I can gather this woman reckons that the same bloke has fathered every other kid in the school too. What's more he has made no effort to pay for her keep or visit but she should love him unconditionally.

What do I do? It goes without saying that I need to black the Mrs's eye, but what do I do next? Can I get him to pay his way using the CSA? Do I need to get the lothario onto Jeremy Kyle?
I'm arresting you on suspicion of Posting under the influence of drink or drugs.
 
#5
School holidays and I've finally switched off from work for a few days and had a conversation with the offspring. And to be honest I wish I hadn't because the 7 year old I have spent so much money supporting and so much time teaching to fart, belch and be sarcastic appears to be here under false pretences.

It seems that a Teaching Assistant has put the idea into her head that I am not her Father and that some elderly bloke that no-one has ever seen is instead. From what I can gather this woman reckons that the same bloke has fathered every other kid in the school too. What's more he has made no effort to pay for her keep or visit but she should love him unconditionally.

What do I do? It goes without saying that I need to black the Mrs's eye, but what do I do next? Can I get him to pay his way using the CSA? Do I need to get the lothario onto Jeremy Kyle?
Posted from the Pitcairn Islands using Tapatalk?
 
#6
School holidays and I've finally switched off from work for a few days and had a conversation with the offspring. And to be honest I wish I hadn't because the 7 year old I have spent so much money supporting and so much time teaching to fart, belch and be sarcastic appears to be here under false pretences.

It seems that a Teaching Assistant has put the idea into her head that I am not her Father and that some elderly bloke that no-one has ever seen is instead. From what I can gather this woman reckons that the same bloke has fathered every other kid in the school too. What's more he has made no effort to pay for her keep or visit but she should love him unconditionally.

What do I do? It goes without saying that I need to black the Mrs's eye, but what do I do next? Can I get him to pay his way using the CSA? Do I need to get the lothario onto Jeremy Kyle?
Simple, kill your Dad
 
#7
Luke, He is your father...

Is this another religious thread coming on?

Are you religious?
Only at the moment of orgasm. Why do you ask? Do you think the Vicar might be involved?

I've see him hanging about smiling at kids and encouraging them to call him Father but to be honest the Mrs was pregnant when we moved here so I don't think its him.
 
#8
Perhaps the big man upstairs realised you were firing blanks and gave you a helping hand á la virgin mary's conception of jesus blah blah blah!?
 
#10
Only at the moment of orgasm. Why do you ask? Do you think the Vicar might be involved?

I've see him hanging about smiling at kids and encouraging them to call him Father but to be honest the Mrs was pregnant when we moved here so I don't think its him.
My dear Rodger, if this fair lady at school is religious then she may be peddling her wares to your daughter in that 'God' is the heavenly Father and thus the father of the sprogs in the class.

If this turns out to be the case then I think the issue is slightly less insidious but one that requires your attendance at the school.

You could nip it succinctly in the bud by having 666 tattooed on your wrist, or a hoof print may suffice.
 
#12
My dear Rodger, if this fair lady at school is religious then she may be peddling her wares to your daughter in that 'God' is the heavenly Father and thus the father of the sprogs in the class.

If this turns out to be the case then I think the issue is slightly less insidious but one that requires your attendance at the school.

You could nip it succinctly in the bud by having 666 tattooed on your wrist, or a hoof print may suffice.
I welcome your advice but I don't think my Iman would approve of tattoos. At least the child isn't half Jewish, he'd crucify me if that were the case
 
#13
A similar thing happened to my friend when his 6 year old daughter proudly announced at supper that she had met Cathy the new school lesbian.

The next day he discovered that Cathy was the new school 'librarian'.
 
#14
A similar thing happened to my friend when his 6 year old daughter proudly announced at supper that she had met Cathy the new school lesbian.

The next day he discovered that Cathy was the new school 'librarian'.
Much to his disappointment. :)
 
#17
OP, since everyone else seems to have had a go at your missus, can I have a bash?
 
#19
A scientist invented a computer that could answer any question, a Black Country bloke named Eli asked it where his father was, the computer replied your father is fishing on the River Severn at Stourport, Bollox say Eli my dads dead, the computer replied your mothers husband is dead, but your father is fishing at Stourport.
 
#20
Don't schools have to ask parents' permission before they tell them about the Jewish zombie fairy tales these days?
Higgs-Bosuns head will explode, he doesnt believe in Zombies, though i think he may have been buggered by a fairy
 
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