School holidays and I've finally switched off from work for a few days and had a conversation with the offspring. And to be honest I wish I hadn't because the 7 year old I have spent so much money supporting and so much time teaching to fart, belch and be sarcastic appears to be here under false pretences. It seems that a Teaching Assistant has put the idea into her head that I am not her Father and that some elderly bloke that no-one has ever seen is instead. From what I can gather this woman reckons that the same bloke has fathered every other kid in the school too. What's more he has made no effort to pay for her keep or visit but she should love him unconditionally. What do I do? It goes without saying that I need to black the Mrs's eye, but what do I do next? Can I get him to pay his way using the CSA? Do I need to get the lothario onto Jeremy Kyle?