Not how it should have played out

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by 29072010, Jun 6, 2010.

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  1. So the girl that is living with me while my bloke is away came home this morning and informed me her Aunt was one of those shot by Mr Bird.

    I had a number of options as to how to react.

    1. Sympathy- "awww babe, you poor thing, come here" hugs ensue and i get to feel her boobies pressed on me, winner!!

    2. Anger- "OMFG, thats awful, can't believe that mad man, bla, bla, bla..." hugs ensue and i get to feel her boobies pressed on me, winner!!

    3. Disbelief- " What!!? Noooooo, I don't believe it, are you ok, I'll put the kettle on..." hugs ensue and i get to feel her boobies pressed on me, winner!!

    But no, I am a muppet, instead I laughed and said "she can't be that much of an Aunt if you ave only just found out?" Turns out she is actually a second cousin who they call "Aunt", then she goes onto say that she is out of hospital now. "Oh she's not even dead then? Boring!"

    Needless to say hugs do not ensue and i do not get to feel her boobies pressed on me, loser!!

    Still I have the memory of barely dressed hangover cuddles in my bed that I can fall back on, this can be confirmed by an arrser who was on the phone to me during one of them when i giggled all bashfull like and and said " just touched my nipple"

    Anyway she's in a strop with me, plans of getting her to "help with my fake tan" i feel aren't going ahead.

    Clearly this is not how it should have played out.

    Ladies and gentlemen, your dits please, on how something didn't quite go the way you wanted it to.

  2. I used to know a girl who could reduce her rent. She had warts up one side of her rent, and pox holes up the other side, she could button and unbutton it like a waistcoat.

    I'm lying of course.
  3. Offer to play with her tits to make her feel better, she is obviously after sympathy.
  4. Go to her room with 1 cup.... the rest will play out in a strange brown haze/spray/splashing....
  5. Make up sex silly girl, "I'm sorry" big hug, don't forget to take your bra off first and have good rub, and of course she is vulnerable what kind of sexual predator are you, add drink as a sorry gift you should be munching carpet before last light
  6. Fang_Farrier

    Fang_Farrier LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Whilst she may not help with fake tan she'll probably be helpful for some intimate waxing!
  7. Dolly86, I'm a dab hand with a spay can and will be more than willing to help with you tan lines. However I take no responsibility if you end up with "Von H woz Ere" graffiti'ed on your arrse. :D


    As for your live in companion, run her a nice deep and sensual bubble bath, light some candles, open some wine and let nature take it's course......... :D :D :D :D
  8. Ooh er, that's taking it a bit far surely! 8O 8O 8O
  9. why not just ask her if you can play with her jubblies??
  10. Nah she might enjoy it :D
  11. So gonna share a dit then?

    BB you know I can't just ask her, I mean for God sake this morning I had to explain to her what you meant by "flicking the bean" anyway, I don't want to lez her, I just get off on the the sly, seemingly innocent leches.
  12. Get her a nice bottle of cheap wine and get her drunk and jobs jobbed
  13. Back in the day (80s), young Joker was working in the West End in a restaurant, one of the waitresses, Ruth, was leaving so decided to throw a party at the house where most of the staff lived. During her time here, she had populated the garden pond with some goldfish. Now, around 2 in the morning, some of the staff thoughtit might be a good idea to throw Ruth in the pond. After doing so, one of the other chefs decided to get me as Ruth was a bit upset (plus I was in with a good chance too), so off I go, find here crying her eyes out, ask what the matter was, to be told that she'd landed on the goldfish in the pond and killed them. So being full of concern (and alcohol) replied "well, it's not as if you were going to take them with you" Cue my exit to leave minus the shag I thought I was up for :(
  14. Dolly,tell her about some of your sexual exploits.That's sure to get her in the mood.
  15. Wow that is the most self-interested, boring, uneventful first post I've seen in a while.

    You're dog roug aren't you? I can tell. I have a gift.