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Not fucking guilty you fat cunt, if it please the court.....

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by filthyphil, Jun 10, 2012.

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  1. Is that real?
     
  2. Yes, no duff.
     
  3. That defendant needs fucking torturing the chav cunt
     
  4. Err.......not questioning your credibility phil, but I'm leaning towards a definite piss-take. No beak would allow his/her courtroom to become a fucking circus. Yeah, I know, courtrooms are probably circuses in their own right, but that transcript (if it's fair dinkum) makes a fucking mockery of the legal system.
     
  5. Read the comments, and I'm thinking as well - when does contempt of court - kick in?
     
    • Like Like x 1
  6. Legit, covered in "The Australian"

    Cookies must be enabled. | The Australian
     
  7. I've seen things in court as goofy or goofier.

    Exceptionally stupid defendant was pleading guilty to rape. He has to incriminate himself out of his own mouth in order for the court to accept the plea. So the judge asks him to describe what he did and the nitwit left out what most people would consider the important part.

    So his Honor decided to give the defendant a hand.

    JUDGE: Did you do something involving her private parts?

    DEFENDANT: Her what?

    JUDGE: Do you understand that you have private parts?

    DEFENDANT: Huh?

    JUDGE: Do you understand that a man's private parts are referred to as his penis?

    DEFENDANT: (Faint glow of comprehension beginning to light up his face.) Uhm, yeah.

    JUDGE: And do you understand that a lady also has private parts?

    DEFENDANT (Triumphantly.) Oh, yes! You mean her c___?
     
  8. Felony trial in Texas in the 1850s. The defense attorney and the judge aren't getting on well at all.

    JUDGE: What is your authority for that point? Have you any authority?

    DEFENSE ATTORNEY (Pulling out a large knife.) My authority is Bowie on Knives.

    JUDGE: Your law is no good sir. (Pulling out a gun.) The controlling authority is Colt on Revolvers.
     
  9. More from Disorder in the Court.

    Bodily injury/wrongful death. Plaintiff's direct examination of the medical examiner.

    COUNSEL: Was [the decedent] conscious during the autopsy?

    WITNESS: Why, yes, he was, you stupid son of a bitch. He was sitting up on the mortuary slab wondering why I was performing an autopsy on him.
     
  10. I've seen wankers kick off in court and wondered the same thing, perhaps the beak wants to be seen as giving them every possible opportunity or it's just a case of give 'em enough rope.
     
  11. ^ Yeah, probably right. I guess I'm through the looking glass and trying to hold the 'Court' system to some sorta professional standard. More fool me.
     
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  12. Being a Septic sort of lawyer I can assure you that in my part of the US the defendant would have been in shackles and probably removed from the court by the end of the first page of the transcript. Also would have jail time for contempt of court that would be served whatever the disposition or sentence in the original case.

    I recall a good many years ago being in court on another case when a drunk driving case was being heard. The defendant was a middle aged man from a nice family and the son of a former politician. Sadly for him the defendant showed up for his trial somewhat drunk. The judge was planning on a 3 month suspended sentence but as he started to pronounce the sentence "I hereby sentence you to three months in the house of correction.." the defendant interupted: "My father got you your job you little shit, fuck you, I can do three months standing on my fucking head" The judge then said "Well then lets see how you do for twelve months"

    Criminals also tend to be stupid and do stupid things. I can recall one case where a witness to a robbery was asked about what the robber was wearing: "The robber was wearing a blue Addidas jacket just like the one the defendant is wearing now, he was also wearing a White Sox cap just like the one the defendant is holding in his hand......." The fool was wearing exactly the same clothes to court as he wore when he held up the liquor store.