Not Entirely SFW: Germapult

#1
http://jelly.b3ta.com/questions/shitstories2/post135643

For seven months Newtie was stationed at a point know as “shake hand alley”. It was called this because the apposing trenches were so close that it felt like you could almost shake hands with your enemy.
Being this close was, of course, incredibly dangerous. Tunnels were being constantly dug and filled with explosives, Snipers had it very easy and there were constant raids to each trench. A man serving in shake hand alley was a man walking with death.
The men knew this. The constant reminder of death made them search for ways to lighten up the mood. One of the favorites was the Germapult.
The Germapult was a large wooden catapult which had been built by the many carpenters out of spare wood from the trench walls. Over the years it had been there some men had become expert marksman with it. My Great Granddad admitted that the Germapult was about as lethal as cotton wool, but, nothing boosted morale more than knocking off a German officer’s hat with a dead rat.
Anything that could be used as ammo was;

Rats – dunked in lamp oil, set alight and flung
Legs, arms, heads of fallen Germans.
Cups of piss (left to ferment over summer)
Letters tied to rocks with lovely messages like “fuck off”
And, of course, SHIT. Lots of British shit.
 
#2
Maybe we could ressurect this, and have a "Frenchapult", a massive one that we could use to fling frenchies back across the Channel!! Also would have many uses for the Immigration Dept i feel!!
 
#3
PraetorianMonkey said:
Maybe we could ressurect this, and have a "Frenchapult", a massive one that we could use to fling frenchies back across the Channel!! Also would have many uses for the Immigration Dept i feel!!
Could also make a 'Walt-a-Pult'







Hat... Check
Coat... Check

Taxi...!

Edited for Mong spelling
 
#4
An British officer noticed this and approached my Great granddad
“Son, that was disgusting, your bowels truly are a place of living hell. But, if you can recreate that panic every time nature takes its course, the Germans moral will be crushed”

My Great granddad was then positioned right next to the Germapult. Every time he needed a dump he would do it on a scrap of cloth, place it on the pult and an expert would fire it straight into the trenches. Sometimes they would scream GAS, sometimes they just screamed for the war to end. As this was obviously killing the German moral, my granddad was given sprouts and other Veg to further intensify his odour.
Funniest thing I've read in a long time. Thanks for this. I'm still giggling at it. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
You have to admire the inventiveness of these tommies.
I'm quite adept at creating foul odours myself, and had I been there I think I would have been sat at the other side of the Germapult. :D
 
#5
Now that is funny, thanks for that.
 
#6
Biological warfare in its infancy? :wink:
 

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