Nostril Cornflakes

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Tax_Tw-t, May 12, 2008.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Afternoon all,

    I have a small problem on which I would like the advice of ARRSErs.

    Yesterday was spent in the attic sorting out a more permanent, wife-proof home for my extensive transsexual-dwarf-porn collection, oh and laying some tongue and groove fibreboard as well :wink:

    During a short brew break I investigated my nose with my finger as one does and got a little over-vigorous, resulting in a nosebleed. Not normally a problem of course, this usually just leads to more interesting and tasty finds later on when nosepicking.

    However, the combination of dust & blood has lead to my left nostril being blocked by what feels like a fcuking cornflake. Poking about with my finger has just dislodged it but it's too big to pull out on the end of a finger.
    Poking it with a finger just shoves it back again.
    Snorting it backwards doesn't work as it gets stuck, resulting in a coughing fit.
    Blowing it forwards results in it getting stuck too far up to easily pull it out. Tried the tweezers from the old Victorinox: first two attempts just pulled tiny bits off, third attempt I got hold of a nostril hair which brought tears to my eyes.

    Short of slitting my nose with the afore-mentioned penknife, any suggestions? (with a due sense of foreboding and dread)

    By the way, other nostril's fine, although the bits in there do taste a little funny thanks to the wood and glassfibre dust.
  2. mysteron

    mysteron LE Book Reviewer

    Use a wire coat hanger, you know like the ones they use for abortions.......
  3. [align=center][​IMG][/align]
  4. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Try snorting some washing up liquid - it should soften it enough to get the whole sucked back into your tummy, with added cleansing and lubrication for the journey.
  5. Corkscrew!
  6. Can you recommend a brand? - I'm likely to be smelling it for a month so I'd like a good one.
  7. 9 mill. That'll shift the wee fecker!
  8. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Fooooooooooor hands that do diiiisshesss! - Fairy Liquid!
  9. snorting cocaine thorough the 'good side' should eventually destroy the nasal septum and the 'mucas/blood cornflake' should be easily grabbed in a pincer movement...this may take some time and at the cost of several thousands of pounds and the loss of your friends, family, career and most of your possesions...upside though the coke rush will make you temporarily forget the annoyance of the bogey-flake!

    I wish you well and hope to hear of the disloging soon!

    Regards Harlot x
  10. -"Mummy, why are your nostrils so soft and clean?"
    -"Mummy? Mummy?"
  11. Steam Cleaner :idea:


    [align=center]With special nostril adaptor.[/align]
  12. Attached Files:

  13. Got access to good old ration pack screech?
    A few snorts of that should dislodge the bastid.
    Alternatively a turn in the RTF should produce a clear respiratory system.

    If those are out of reach, try one of those kirby gribs the birds use.
    They are small enough to ram up your nose to grab hold of the offending article, but they are also small enough to spin around creating a whisk effect which should break the aforementioned cornflake up allowing for rapid removal.
  14. Cilit Bang! and your nose is gone... :x
  15. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Nose hairs - now there IS a problem!

    What about them then? I grab them by the tuft-load and they just seem to keep coming! They also get in the way of a good pick too.