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North Korea Antagonizes U.S.

PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA—As the U.S. continues to inch toward war with Iraq, a jealous and frustrated North Korea is wondering what it has to do to attract American military attention.

"What does it take to get a few F-16s or naval warships deployed to the Yellow Sea?" North Korean president Kim Jong Il asked Monday. "In the past month and a half, we've expelled U.N. nuclear inspectors, withdrawn from the nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty, restarted a mothballed nuclear complex capable of producing weapons-grade plutonium, and threatened to resume missile tests. You'd think that would be enough to get a measly Marine division or two on standby in the Pacific, but apparently not."

Kim said his nation is "way more deserving" of B-52 deployment than Iraq.

"Bush says his number one priority is eliminating weapons of mass destruction, but he sure doesn't act that way," Kim said. "Iraq may have weapons of mass destruction and may be developing more. The DPRK, on the other hand, does have weapons of mass destruction and isn't about to stop making them any time soon."

"Can I be any more clear?" Kim continued. "We have nuclear bombs and delivery methods. Kablooey! There goes Anchorage! But does Bush care? Nope—he just goes on about how we're 'a diplomatic issue, not a military one.' If he even mentions us at all, that is."

"It's like I don't even exist," Kim added.

In the nine years since coming to power, Kim has earned a reputation as a megalomaniac and tyrant, interring dissenters in camps, living in opulence while his citizens starve, and calling members of the North Korean navy "human bombs." In spite of such actions, he has failed to provoke the ire of the U.S.

After years spent trying to antagonize the U.S., relations between North Korea and America finally showed signs of deterioration in 2002, when, during his State of the Union address, President Bush accused the Asian nation of being part of an international "Axis of Evil." The provocative words, Kim said, sent his hopes of a military standoff with the U.S. skyrocketing.

"When Bush named us as part of his Axis of Evil, I was so happy," Kim said. "I thought to myself, 'This is it. We are finally going to have a military conflict with this two-faced hyena.' He'd been ignoring me so long, I really didn't think he cared."

Still, Kim's hopes for a U.S.-North Korea crisis quickly faded as Bush began to focus all of his energies on Axis of Evil member Iraq. In October 2002, Kim made yet another attempt to anger the U.S., admitting to enriching uranium in violation of a 1994 accord. The admission, however, did not produce the desired escalation in hostility.

Kim said he has not given up on attracting U.S. military attention, vowing to invade South Korea if necessary.

"I am by no means ready to quit, but this is very frustrating," Kim said. "I guess if your name's not Saddam, you're not worthy of America's hatred."

"Everyone in my country refers to me as 'Dear Leader.' Is that not disturbingly cultish?"Kim continued. "I do not understand why President Bush is so much more interested in Saddam than me. I'm a strange, despotic, unpredictable madman, too, you know."



don't worry kim im sure we will have a few bombs left over to throw at you after gulf war 2 ,

G.W. Bush



North Korea and the US 'on a slide towards conflict'

Tracy McVeigh
Sunday April 6, 2003
The Observer

War in North Korea is now almost inevitable because of the country's diplomatic stalemate with America, a senior UN official claims.
Ahead of this week's crucial talks between members of the UN Security Council, Maurice Strong, special adviser to the Secretary General Kofi Annan, was gloomy on the chances of a peaceful settlement.

'I think war is unnecessary, it's unthinkable and unfortunately it's entirely possible,' he said.

Strong, who has just returned from a private mission for Annan in North Korea and is due to report to UN officials in New York tomorrow, said he felt both North Korea and America seemed to think they had time on their side but were both on a slide towards war.
Does that mean we're going to back the US in a war against North Korea?

Oh fcuk

Shame us

Different kettle of fish altogether and no foregone conclusion for the Yankies, so it'll never happen.  N Korea has 1m+ Army, rather unlike Saddam's rag-tag tribe of not-wannabees.
I don't know Seamus

The Drive-by shooting in Iraq,may have given him more confidence than he deserves?


War Hero

I posted the above link in a TA thread a few weeks ago, so apologies to those who've read it already.

Basically, the Americans are withdrawing their forces from the border with N Korea. This means that, if there was a war, the South Korean army would absorb the impact of the initial attack. The reduction in likely US casualties will obviously affect their planning.

Apparently (but not mentioned in the article), some conservatives would like the US forces to leave South Korea all together. This would mean that the USA could have the option of launching a pre-emptive strike (not necessarily to achieve regime change, just to destroy certain installations), with the North not really able to retaliate against US interests.


Haven`t the North Koreans got a missile that can reach Japan? ..... Plenty of US interests there!

US and South Korea are more concerned about a possible test of a Taepodong-2 missile, which analysts believe could reach parts of America, though there are widespread doubts about its reach and accuracy. In 1998, North Korea test-fired a Taepodong-1 missile over Japan into the Pacific.


War Hero
SJ - I'm not sure that the fact that Japan could get hit would be enough to deter the current US Govt, if they thought NKorea was not going to play ball. If the Taepodong 1 is not too accurate, it couldn't target US bases there.

Re the Taepodong 2, I understand that 'parts of America' usually translates as Hawaii. Still the USA, but not Washington DC or New York. And if this is in development now, the US might perceive a window of opportunity should they feel military action is needed.

Perhaps I was overstating matters by talking about the North 'not really being able to retaliate', but if the US could knock out most of these missiles beore they were launched, and their troops weren't near the border, they might feel quite confident about escaping much damage in the event of war.

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