No finer sight

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by convoy_cock, Feb 25, 2005.

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  1. Surely there is no finer sight on god's earth than an 8 month pregnant woman smoking a tab.

    When I took my wife in yesterday, I went back to the car to get a few bits and bobs for her.

    On my way back in, there she was, in all her glory.

    15 stones of lank-haired beauty, was stood outside the lobby, lighting up one of those 100 for a fiver javelins that they like to puff on. Oblivious to the fact that the hospital entrance is on a main road, all she had on was a pair of fluffy slippers and a dressing gown that looked like it had been made from GS blankets dyed pink. It only made it a third of the way down her legs as well, exposing a good degree of corpse-white flesh.

    Despite this horrific sight, part of me couldn't help admiring the sheer fcuking brass of it. As I walked up to go past her, she fixed me with one of those "Yeah, you got a problem with my foetus having a smokers cough?" stares, but I just smiled and said.

    "Excuse me luv, is this the maternity hospital or the lung unit?"

    Have any other arrse users recently been exposed to people that defy belief?
  2. What are the odds the kid will be smoking by teh time they're 5 and that they'll be a chav? Pretty high, if only Ladbrokes would take these kinds of bets I would be a zillionaire.
  3. I beg to differ AFKAC. My mother smoked tabs, drank stout and geezed smack all throughout her pregnancy, and not only did it not harm me, but I did so well that I got ahead of the curve, and was born 47 days early!!

    I am saddened and disappointed to see that you have joined the ranks of the PC Brigade. Think on young man... :roll:
  4. Got woken up at about 2am last weekend to the the sound of a couple having a huge fight.

    It was going on for ages so stuck head out of window for closer inspection and was debating on whether or not to call the plods when I saw it.....

    ..there in front of me was the fattest heffer ever seen (even by The Shots standards) and and even more slovenly bloke.

    They were kicking fuck out of each other and I have to admit - she was asking for a lot of it - the mouthy mare.

    Was just about to shut the window and pi ss off back to bed when I saw, stood on the pavement behind them, their young kids just watching their drunken parents (?) knocking ten bells out of each other.

    Class 8O
  5. Aldershot, the entertainments capitol of the world.
  6. Good point. I believe that my mothers 40 a day habit (Navy Cut untipped) had no effect on me whatsoever, and it was a complete coincidence that I came out weighing half a pound and looking like Old man Steptoe. In the pictures of her holding me in the hospital it looks like she's cuddling a Mother Theresa doll. I was hockling like a retired miner until I was three.

    There does seem to be a bit of logic to it though. Smoke like a beagle throughout your pregnancy and your going to get a compliant baby who doesn't stretch your Jack and Danny until it looks like a Scream mask.
  7. Never visited Liverpool Womens Hospital then.... just stand outside for 20 mins and you see them all coming down in droves... and exactly dressed the way AFKAC so eliquently put it.
  8. Hmmmm.. what about the pregnant chav, pushing a pram containing a small child, cigarette in one hand, bottle of beer in the other, gobbing off down the mobile phone attached to her ear. Pure class. 8O :?
  9. Ventress

    Ventress LE Moderator

    $hit-tip! But this has been discussed in other topics!