NO BOG ROLL!!!!!!!

#1
I find myself in a bit of trouble. I sit here typing with a turtles head trying to escape from its shell. There is hardly any toilet paper left and I fear going to the shops as the turtle may rear is ugly head down the grocery aisle. I ask arrse for guidance to drop load in ways that are toilet paper economically viable.

Please help 8O
 
#7
Wipe you arse with your hand,take a big hammer ,let big hammer drop onto your hand,you will find that the pain takes away from the taste!!!!!
 
#8
#12
Wipe it with your socks or any item of clothing then fcuking bin them afterwards. Is this a fcukin Wah? FFS man there's tons of alternative ring cleansing methods.
 
#13
allyjs said:
The-Lord-Flasheart said:
Do you have a dog or any other pet with a suitable lingua?

Suppose the cat's fur would be very soft against the arse cheeks. Least it would like itself clean :twisted:

Quite true. A cat is actually a mobile, self propelled bog roll. And when its fur is too matted, you can just flush the damn thing down the bog.
 
#15
Joe_Squad said:
Wipe it with your socks or any item of clothing then fcuking bin them afterwards. Is this a fcukin Wah? FFS man there's tons of alternative ring cleansing methods.
I suggest you dont use your trousers or your shirt... People may become suspicious as to why you are walking round semi-naked. The socks a good thought though.

If there are any plants nearby with particularly wholesome leaves you could use those.

F_G

Edited to add, You could squat over one of the sinks in the toilet and splash your arrse with water, A la bidet style

Good luck
 
#16
Depending on the required level of cleanliness:
Tissue ...... don't flush
Kitchen roll .... don't flush
Undergarment ....... don't flush
Baby wipes
Swiffer
Parazone wipes
Shower
Bath
Pressure washer
 
#17
Father_Gundulph said:
I suggest you dont use your trousers or your shirt... People may become suspicious as to why you are walking round semi-naked. The socks a good thought though.
Could this method explain the half naked picture of John Rambo which was posted on here the other day :?
 
#18
what sort of a poof ARE you!!! Wiping indeed!
Just leave it alone, it will eventually dry into an impressive set of klankers which will either rub off over time, or alternately you can pick them off whilst watching Top Gear and line them up on the coffee table for the missus to admire!
 
#19
Flash, I am about to entice the cat in with some whiskas, i'm going to then proceed and wipe my arse down it.

I hope it starts to purr as I do this.
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
smeg-head The NAAFI Bar 103
Fireplace The NAAFI Bar 10
Fireplace The NAAFI Bar 59

Similar threads

New Posts

Latest Threads

Top