NO BOG ROLL!!!!!!!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by allyjs, Mar 5, 2008.

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  1. I find myself in a bit of trouble. I sit here typing with a turtles head trying to escape from its shell. There is hardly any toilet paper left and I fear going to the shops as the turtle may rear is ugly head down the grocery aisle. I ask arrse for guidance to drop load in ways that are toilet paper economically viable.

    Please help 8O
  2. FFS use the hand towel, then strategically fold it to hide the sh1t smears..........
  3. Go round someone elses house.
  4. use your hand!!!!!

    works for the rag heads!!
  5. Do you have a dog or any other pet with a suitable lingua?
  6. Knock, knock


    "Hi would you mind if i come in and take a great big dump in your toilet, cheers"
  7. Wipe you arse with your hand,take a big hammer ,let big hammer drop onto your hand,you will find that the pain takes away from the taste!!!!!
  8. I fail to see your point...!

  9. Suppose the cat's fur would be very soft against the arse cheeks. Least it would lick itself clean :twisted:
  10. Wipe it with your socks or any item of clothing then fcuking bin them afterwards. Is this a fcukin Wah? FFS man there's tons of alternative ring cleansing methods.

  11. Quite true. A cat is actually a mobile, self propelled bog roll. And when its fur is too matted, you can just flush the damn thing down the bog.
  12. Do a fcukin handstand in the shower. It works for an alternative bidet..........
  13. I suggest you dont use your trousers or your shirt... People may become suspicious as to why you are walking round semi-naked. The socks a good thought though.

    If there are any plants nearby with particularly wholesome leaves you could use those.


    Edited to add, You could squat over one of the sinks in the toilet and splash your arrse with water, A la bidet style

    Good luck