David Cameron today ordered the deployment of Nimrod aircraft from Kinloss to RAF Akrotiri to monitor developments on the ground in Libya. Meanwhile HMS Cumberland was renamed HMS Useless by royal proclamation & ordered to stand well back in international waters. This will provide moral support to our lads stuck out in the desert plundering oil for the folks back home who are now surrounded by Apache indians waving AK47`s Ark Royal has been redeployed from the gulf with her Harrier force & is steaming to the scene where she will meet up with the Atlantic Conveyor bringing Chinook & Puma helicopters to mount a rescue shuttle out to Ark Royal. William Hague has phoned BA meantime to book seats for everyone on the next scheduled flight out, due once things have calmed down a bit. Downing Street placed a call to Bob the builder at the MOD & asked if he could fix it, but no he can`t !