Nigella Sexpress

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Benny687, Sep 3, 2007.

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  1. Just got in from work, while i was there, the other half has managed to get the step ladders up and has found where i hide the TV remote.

    i have therefore just been forced to watch "Nigella Express". i spent the first few minutes making the appropriate man-noises. farting, swearing, flicking nose-bullets at the screen etc....

    until i noticed that this Nigella bird has an absolutely cracking set of top bollocks. i mean, tremendous. missus was disturbed by my silence and staring so started to draw my attention away from the telly by talking some bollocks at me, but i was transfixed. her provocative eyes, excessive usage of words such as 'luscious' and 'delicious' have left me with a raging semi and an almost overwhelming urge to get my hands on the Lawson bird for an hour or so and leave her in a soggy heap, half blind gasping, twitching and thoroughly buggered.

    if this lass was on that ready steady cook thing instead of ainsley 'il make you my prison bitch' harriot, id be a regular viewer. how long have i been missing out on this for? Im not the only one, am i?

    im going to have to go and power-bang the other half, and quite possibly scream out 'catch this nigella!' when on the vinegars.

  2. Hands off mate she's mine, you're too late to the party. She's been on and off television for the past 5 years or more.
  3. oh for fucks sake! why did nobody tell me!?

    pike, wouldnt mind sloppy seconds on her. joint effort in catching her? il bring the gaffer tape if you bring the cable ties....
  4. gaffer tape and cable ties? you philistine. A man of my immense charm and devastating good looks seldom has need for such things.

    I just use rohypnol!
  5. yeh, im just one of these old fashioned romantics you see....
  6. What could you possibly find attractive about:

  7. dear god i would wreck that chick...

    anyone know how old she is?
  8. She could tickle my plums anytime.
  9. Or perhaps more to the point do you know who her dad is? There are some seriously freaky genes knocking round there ...

    ... mind you I so would!
  10. Or this:

  11. She's married to one of the Saatchi's and I had to process them through security a few times at the Tory conference a couple of years ago. She was very polite as I waved the wand over her several times just to be thorough :wink: . Him I had to pat down and for a fucking bazillionaire I've got 3 pieces of advice, SOAP , WATER AND DEODERANT you fat gopping manky bastard. Same conference I had to go through Anne Widdecombes cases, not many men can say they had a hand in her gusset. :1:
  12. She's 46/47 (b 1960), and you'd also be knobbing a chancellor of the exchequer's daughter... :lol:
  13. ahh feck, my mums 47, thats put a slight downer on it. never mind i still would.

    and if a fat gopping cunt can sack her then im in with half a chance.

    il just rob the fuckers credit card first....
  14. Fair play the Exchequer fucks us.
  15. my point exactly , and not any old chancellor of the exchequer's daughter