NI Peace Agreement

Discussion in 'Army Pay, Claims & JPA' started by Grumblin_subalten, Feb 11, 2002.

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  1. Framework Document For the Peace

    The Agreement

    After the meetings and talks, which lasted for over two ******* years, the parties finally signed the following agreement.

    THE LOYALISTS agreed to the following:

    1. Not to grow long sideburns and have 1970s hairstyles.
    2. Not to wear any sunglasses even when it is raining.
    3. Not to run any dodgy video shop rackets.
    4. Not support Rangers and follow Linfield.
    5. Leave kerbstones free from paint.
    6. Not let 5 year olds draw their murals.
    7. Stop marching and dressing up like Mr Ben on 12th July.
    8. Get a proper job and not join the Police.
    9. Stop getting caught so easily for terrorist offences.
    10. Not to use Meccano sets for making bombs.

    THE REPUBLICANS agreed to the following:

    1. To stop saying "this island of Ireland" all the time.
    2. Dressing like tramps and pleading hard up.
    3. Use public transport instead of hijacking and burning it.
    4. Not to have anniversaries about times they had their arses kicked.
    5. Talk ******* English.
    6. Admit that Martin Meguiness is a ******* ******.
    7. Only go to a funeral if it close family.
    8. Telephone the police when there is a bomb not the Irish News.
    9. Stop ******* off to America every five minutes.
    THE ALLIANCE PARTY agree to the following:

    1. Everything as they did not want to upset anybody.

    Dr IAN PAISELEY agreed to the following:

    1. **** all.

    THE WOMENS COALITION agreed to the following:

    1. To go home and get the tea on.
  2. It's amazing what 6 months in Northern Ireland will drive you to.
  3. Didn't one of the sides agree to do absolutely nothing in return for having all its murderers released from prison?
  4. Apparently the Repubican QMs were trained at Lloyds of London.

    If they infact surrender all their weapons to another part of their organisation and in turn do their bit for peace by accepting weapons from yet another part, they can declare all the weapons decomissioned in no time at all!

    Hurray for the internal market and its contribution to a lasting peace!
  5. if you want to know where the money they saved in Pay2000 went look at the office expenses claims of MLA's at Stormont who says crime doesn't pay
  6. Perhaps Paddy's decommissioned arms could be given to us-at least their F***ing rifles work!!!!!
  7. Yes and unfortunately rather well.