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news flash


In the face of industrial action by members of the Armed Forces, the government has announced that the Fire Services will, as an interim measure, carry out operations in Iraq.

The Army, who have demanded a 40% pay increase on the basis that their job has become rather more technical since 1945, will begin strike action next Thursday unless a compromise pay deal can be agreed in the meantime. It is understood that they will spend their time standing around little bonfires, rubbing their hands together and waving at passing vehicles that honk their horns at them.

Crack Fire Service personnel, highly trained in playing darts, brewing tea and dancing around poles, are to be on standby to take up frontline operations. Using their “Red Goddess” vehicles instead of tanks, they will race towards the Iraqi frontline and attempt to annoy the enemy into surrendering by making a lot of noise and spraying water at them.

Prime Minister Tony Blair has already stated that the Fire Service strike proved that a vastly undermanned service with limited training and unsuitable equipment can perform the duties of a well-trained, well-equipped and well-manned professional force equally as efficiently and without loss of life. When it was pointed out to him that the bright red engines might make an easy target for enemy fire, Mr Blair said “Never mind, we’ve got too many firemen as it is….er, is that camera running?”

Asked for his comments, Britain’s partner in the coalition in the war against Iraq, US President George Dubya Bush, said “Oooh can I play with the siren?”

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