New Year's Resolutions

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Dale the snail, Dec 25, 2004.

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  1. This year, I promise to give up:

    1. Tequila.
    2. Vomiting after drinking tequila.
    3. Men.
    4. Boys.
    5. Crying at sappy films.
    6. Threatening to beat up both Bedingfields.
    7. Speaking to Beebs less than 13 times a day.
    8. Wearing my pyjamas all day.
    9. Sleeping for more than 18 hours a day.
    10. Becoming Sideshow Bob when I wake up every morning.

    I promise to take up:

    1. Yoga or some other boring s hit that is dead interesting.(Like that will happen).
    2. Smoking more biffters. (If its possible) (Like that will happen).
    3. Not abusing people on arrse. (Like that will happen).
    4. Divorcing that worthless piece of s hit that won't let me see my dog. (I really mean this one)
    5. Gardening. (Or will just keep paying that really old fella from round the corner to keep on doing it)
    6. Eating. (Like that will happen).
    7. Hoovering and dusting.(Like that will happen).
    8. Not putting red wine and ash on the keyboard.(Like that will happen).
    9. Not smashing glasses or spilling coffee on BBC's carpet.(Like that will happen).
    10. Being nice to people. (Like that will happen).

    Guess how many I will keep? He he he he
  2. Dirt_Diver

    Dirt_Diver LE Moderator

    get back in your box, you!
  3. Maybe ONE 8O
  4. Might I also add - I will NEVER EVER be drinking Red Bull and Vodka again.

    I know I said that after the Mankfest, but can someone please make me never ever ever ever drink Red Bull Again. My neighbours hate Ronan Keating and Wet Wet Wet now. Thank goodness I only made them listen to it at 0730hrs. Fourteen times.

    Anyone fancy renting my house out?

    (I will empty the kylie drawer drawer first and clear Papa from under the bed where he is hiding).
  5. This Year I promise to give up:

    - Fat Girls
    - Ugly Girls
    - Hairy Girls
    - Girls more than 5 years older than me
    - Smoking
    - Masturbating with my right hand
    - Selling Slug's undercrackers on e-bay

    I promise I will

    - Find myself an attractive young female
    - Ride her till her eyes fall out
    - Find another one and repeat step 2-3 again
    - Drink more port
    - Buy an even more 'rah tweed jacket
    - Buy those amazing snake skin boots by RM Williams
    - Spend more time on Arrse

    Wet seasonal love,

  6. Dirt_Diver

    Dirt_Diver LE Moderator

    Ruggy, mate i can provide on that front. I'll swap you for an ironing board and a baby seat. "get in the back, you f ucker!" :D :D
  7. Because I drive like a princess and you are safer in the back. Cha Ching!!!!

  8. DALE IS MARRIED?????? 8O 8O 8O

    FFS! Next you'll tell me MDN really is a handsome man!
  9. I only have one resolution.....

    I promise too take the pissh more out of the QARANC this year than ever before :twisted: :twisted: .........

    and if I live to see June and my 38th birthday....well the grey mafia is slipping these days :wink:
  10. Ohhh, and not to shagg any of them either :oops:

    Especially the fat, ugly feckers who find where my room is and hang around there waiting for me 8O and say they love me and want my babies :oops:
  11. That one won't even survive New Year's Eve.. :roll:
  12. My plan for this year and the following four years is to resettle and get a decent job. Don't want to be living under London Bridge on a bit of cardboard.
  13. 1. Find stunning girl, insane enough to take me
    2. Start exercising ready for my deployment to the big sandpit
    3. Cut down on the Stella (it really does bad things to you, or at least makes me do them to myself!)

    The only problem being...

    I could see 2 and 3 actually happening!

  14. Cut down on Stella? Like - why?????

    My resolutions:

    1. Make none.
    2. Keep them.
    3. Remember the above.
    4. Keep the alcohol consumption high.
    5. Smoke til I get lung cancer.
    6. Die on 16th November 2005.
    7. With a smile.
  15. :roll: :? @ number 5 and 6