New Year's Day argument... is this a record?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Negligent-Discharge, Jan 1, 2013.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Negligent-Discharge

    Negligent-Discharge LE Book Reviewer

    It was something like 0025 and Jools and his cronies are warbling away on the telly. By now The Scarey One is snoozing gently, so, bored of that bird with the screwtop hair singing, I quietly changed channel. She wakes and demands to hear Petula Clark finish her song. By now The Dubliners are on. "darling, I changed it because you were asleep."... "No I WASN'T!" etc. etc. with increased volume and agitation. I buggered off to get a fresh brew to find TSO snoring away. FFS.
  2. Can't you divorce her or make her into sausages or something?
  3. Negligent-Discharge

    Negligent-Discharge LE Book Reviewer

    The patio could do with relaying so there's an opportunity...
  4. You're too open and direct. Do as I did: Wait till she starts dozing off and just when her eyes start fluttering shut quietly suggest to take her up to bed. She'll be glad to have such a nice and warm husband.

    Whisk her into the cot, switch the PC onto and have a nice 2013 inaugruation wank!
    • Like Like x 2
  5. Could probably beat that, 2353, "I'm off to bed dear, see you next year". Reply "but I only stayed up to keep you company" Thinks, liar, daughter went upstairs to talk to best friend (whose boyfriend had just dumped her) so you are on your own. So I went to bed and the f***ing fireworks kept me awake for ages. Happy new year !
  6. Negligent-Discharge

    Negligent-Discharge LE Book Reviewer

    I shall do that tonight and report back tomorrow morning... no where's the tissue box?
  7. Just use a dishcloth. Then when you've celebrated the coming (see what I did there?) of the new year, stick it in the laundry!

    Have fun and I'll expect a hot debrief afterwards.
    • Like Like x 2

  8. USE THE CURTAINS=guaranteed peace and quiet well into the new year !!
  9. Does your good lady wife sleep with her mouth open? if so the urban dictionary has the following:

    The 'Suckling Cow'

    A sexual act where a man gently puts his sack of treasures into the mouth of a sleeping person (preferably a woman). Use at own risk. Do not use on people who talk/grind teeth in their sleep.

    If you want to make it interesting, when you cum, shoot down their body. After you dry off, grab a ruler and measure how far it flew. However many inches it went that is how many points you have in one game. Try it with friends

    Person 1: Why do i have vinegary pubes in my mouth?
    Person 2: Have you ever heard of the suckling cow?
    Person 1: (Throws up)
    • Like Like x 2
  10. An argument

    A record

    Just so you know the difference ^^
    • Like Like x 2