New uses for mongs

#1
Ok the military application of mongs has been done to death so what we need are some new and ingenious uses for the back log of mmlllaaring spackers we currently have in the UK.

So far I have come up with:

1. Some sort of suction based window cleaner for sky scrapers. This would involve breading mongs with big lips that could then be suckered onto the top floor windows and left to work their way down. Each office would have to have a picture of some ice cream in it to ensure that the mong gets a good slather on, this would not only aid in cleaning the window but also lubricate the mongs descent.

2. Automatic floor cleaner for laminate or wood flooring, all we'd have to do is condition the mong to think that wood or laminate flooring is more desirable than a window and BINGO instant floor cleaner, just trip it to the floor and off it goes.

Get your thinking caps on, this could make us rich. :)
 
#2
The first assault wave for Op Persian Freedom?
 
#4
We could use them to implement the roll out of DII F!!!!!
Save a fortune!
Get it right on time and to budget!
Sack hundreds of whining civil servant dweebs!

And make loads of dosh selling the vid of the 'special teams' let loose in a large building clutching expensive computers.......hmmmm....hang on a sec...that is what JHQ looks like now. Argh!!!!!!!!!!!
 
#5
menacingboots said:
We could use them to implement the roll out of DII F!!!!!
Save a fortune!
Get it right on time and to budget!
Sack hundreds of whining civil servant dweebs!

And make loads of dosh selling the vid of the 'special teams' let loose in a large building clutching expensive computers.......hmmmm....hang on a sec...that is what JHQ looks like now. Argh!!!!!!!!!!!
It would appear that for once the MoD is way ahead of us and has been using mongs to design and roll out JPA form the very start. :(
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#6
I've always fancied mong-pin bowling.
 
#7
two uses spring to mind

we could use them as sleeping policemen instead of the usual tar. that way we could save energy and not enlarge the hole in the ozone by producing greenhouse gases. they could be easily replaced when worn down.

we could also give them shiny uniforms, some tricycles and use them as postmen. it would be cheap as we could pay them with balloons and tubs of ice cream. that way they get a bit of exercise, we get a decent postal service, they wont want to go on strike and the money saved in wages for them can be passed on to our boys in the sandpit. everyones a winner.
 
#8
Bullet Sponge said:
smartascarrots said:
The first assault wave for Op Persian Freedom?
Stop it with the military stuff, we need to make money not piles of bodies. :roll:
Lots of money in oil. Not that that's what we'll be going in for, of course.

Heaven forfend...
 
#9
smartascarrots said:
Bullet Sponge said:
smartascarrots said:
The first assault wave for Op Persian Freedom?
Stop it with the military stuff, we need to make money not piles of bodies. :roll:
Lots of money in oil. Not that that's what we'll be going in for, of course.

Heaven forfend...
You've hit on a good point but you aren't thinking outside of the box. Yes there is good money in oil so what we could do is collect up all the mongs that have been broken or worn out by other uses, chuck them in a vat, render them and then produce our own mong oil. We could solve the problem of dwindling fossil fuel reserves over night. :)

There could be a whole range of products.

Mong Candles
Mong Makeup
Mong Fuel
Mong Soap

The list is endless.

Hmmmm it needs a slogan.

[align=center]MADE WITH MONG[/align]

[align=center]Remember if your products aren't MADE WITH MONG you're killing the planet!

Check packets for the special MWM mark[/align]
That should do the trick. :lol:
 
#10
A housefull in the Big Brother house could be worth viewing :D
 
#11
a_nony_mouse said:
A housefull in the Big Brother house could be worth viewing :D
Big brother has had a house full of mongs every year since it was first aired. :D
 
#13
As replacement sucker fish in giant aquariums would look cool stuck to the inside of the tank a few bangs of the glass on the outside should see the mong in a frenzy and off to bite some sharks
 
#14
Bullet Sponge said:
You've hit on a good point but you aren't thinking outside of the box. Yes there is good money in oil so what we could do is collect up all the mongs that have been broken or worn out by other uses, chuck them in a vat, render them and then produce our own mong oil. We could solve the problem of dwindling fossil fuel reserves over night. :)

There could be a whole range of products.

Mong Candles
Mong Makeup
Mong Fuel
Mong Soap

The list is endless.

Hmmmm it needs a slogan.

[align=center]MADE WITH MONG[/align]

[align=center]Remember if your products aren't MADE WITH MONG you're killing the planet!

Check packets for the special MWM mark[/align]
That should do the trick. :lol:
Alternatively, we could sell them as seen to the combatants, either for use as POL or in their natural state. Then there really would be WMD in Iran.
 
#15
Bullet Sponge said:
Ok the military application of mongs has been done to death so what we need are some new and ingenious uses for the back log of mmlllaaring spackers we currently have in the UK.

So far I have come up with:

1. Some sort of suction based window cleaner for sky scrapers. This would involve breading mongs with big lips that could then be suckered onto the top floor windows and left to work their way down. Each office would have to have a picture of some ice cream in it to ensure that the mong gets a good slather on, this would not only aid in cleaning the window but also lubricate the mongs descent.

2. Automatic floor cleaner for laminate or wood flooring, all we'd have to do is condition the mong to think that wood or laminate flooring is more desirable than a window and BINGO instant floor cleaner, just trip it to the floor and off it goes.

Get your thinking caps on, this could make us rich. :)
You sir, are a bandwagon jumping Mong. I am outraged!
 
#16
How about shipping them over to Africa where they could be exchanged for camels. The mongs could be used as cheap labour or for frightening hyenas away from live stock. Then the camels could be sold off to Sainsburys for the exotic meats counter!

This time next year we'll be millionaires!
 
#17
I manage a day centre so may be able to help if anyone needs one. Special offer for today only, buy one get one free. First come, first served and when theyre gone theyre gone. Any size, age or colour available. No refunds.
 
#18
slightlytipsy said:
I manage a day centre so may be able to help if anyone needs one. Special offer for today only, buy one get one free. First come, first served and when theyre gone theyre gone. Any size, age or colour available. No refunds.
Can I chuck them in a vat and boil them down to component parts when I've broken them?

Not that I intend to do that of course, just asking........


:plotting:
 
#19
How about a proper form of justice, get said crim tie a couple of balloons and cover in ice cream, then let them loose, don't think they'd last very long or if they did I'm sure they wouldn't commit a crime again :D
 
#20
Theyre all yours to do what you want with them. A word of warning though, unless theyre thoroughly secured, be prepared to run very fast unless you have jelly to distract them. Ive already had crushed fingers and a squashed tit, and thats just from this morning.
 

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