New Uber-Walt

cpunk

LE
Moderator
#1
Laydeez and Gennelmen,

May I present the latest mega-Walt Niall Arden.

As you will see from the book synopsis, he's a pretty tough hombre and here's what he says about himself on his agent's web-site:

Niall Arden said:
Niall Arden was born in 1963. Educated with two University Degrees, one in Engineering Design and one in Science, he has written many scientific based articles for the MoD in house publication “Focus” as well as many on combat and field medicine for a variety of International magazines ranging from Combat and Survival, Soldier Magazine to Gun Mart and SWAT.

His military career started early as an army cadet before joining UK Special Forces as a territorial soldier in 1981 which ultimately led to his full time involvement and regular deployments over the next twenty years. Commissioned in 1989 he has presented many studies on international threats and security to both the UK and US. He has represented the UK at the Armed Forces International shooting competition at Bisley and served in many theatres of operations from Afghanistan, Bosnia, Kosovo to Iraq and Northern Ireland. He was instrumental in publicly highlighting the failings with the SA80 weapons system resulting in a full modification programme being implemented and a replacement being issued for the LSW for in theatre operations. Niall is still involved as scientific advisor and designer of the new ICW2000/SA80A3 weapons system as part of the FIST (Future Integrated Soldier Technologies).

Passionate about ancient religions and history, especially Middle Eastern and the crusades, he is also an accomplished fine artist with many of his military art paintings hanging in several Special Forces Headquarters and his esoteric oil paintings adorn the walls of several politicians and barristers homes and offices.

Presently completing a major historical book (Outremer) as well as studying further towards his eventual goal of qualifying as a medical surgeon.
Alas the truth is slightly more prosaic. I won't use his real name here - yet - but I can tell you that in reality, his only commissioned service in the British Army was a 10-month period as a probationary 2nd Lt in the Essex ACF in 1990. :D

My sources tell me that his advance for this book was a high-ish five-figure sum. Under his real name, a previous book he had written about how the Pyramids were some kind of markers for extra-terrestrials had to be withdrawn after five days because of multiple complaints of plagiarism. His advance for that one was not unadjacent to £75,000.

No one escapes the curse of Arrse!
 
#3
dan_man said:
So he was in the cadets and saw action in Iraq wow, when I was in the cadets we never went on Ops.
That was in your day, in the current climate of defence cuts, "over-stretch" and utilising all our reserve forces the cadets are very much used for frontline duties. Didn't you notice them making up the numbers at trooping of the colour too?
 
#4
dan_man said:
So he was in the cadets and saw action in Iraq wow, when I was in the cadets we never went on Ops.
we did i was 14 when i had my first "K" kill, by the time i was 17 and joined the "special" Royal Corps of cadet killers i had knacked 68, margret thatch has a picture of me on her telly, and tony blair keeps ringing me to ask me to draw him a picture of a dog or horse. but then again its not like it used to be in the cadets who were (when i was in) the countries "silent" killers.
 
#5
hallveg said:
dan_man said:
So he was in the cadets and saw action in Iraq wow, when I was in the cadets we never went on Ops.
we did i was 14 when i had my first "K" kill, by the time i was 17 and joined the "special" Royal Corps of cadet killers i had knacked 68, margret thatch has a picture of me on her telly, and tony blair keeps ringing me to ask me to draw him a picture of a dog or horse. but then again its not like it used to be in the cadets who were (when i was in) the countries "silent" killers.
Damn I left in 2000 could of been in Kosovo with my elite regiement of Pathfinders killing commies and Serbs with Andie McNab and Ross Kemp.
 
#6
dan_man said:
hallveg said:
dan_man said:
So he was in the cadets and saw action in Iraq wow, when I was in the cadets we never went on Ops.
we did i was 14 when i had my first "K" kill, by the time i was 17 and joined the "special" Royal Corps of cadet killers i had knacked 68, margret thatch has a picture of me on her telly, and tony blair keeps ringing me to ask me to draw him a picture of a dog or horse. but then again its not like it used to be in the cadets who were (when i was in) the countries "silent" killers.
Damn I left in 2000 could of been in Kosovo with my elite regiement of Pathfinders killing commies and Serbs with Andie McNab and Ross Kemp.
kemp, he was my crewman, shite he was, couldn't get the head to chest shot ratio correct!
 
#7
Our cadet unit was affiliated with 49 PARA so we got to go on some of their operations.

Of course it was a bit limited, during term time we could only go on the night ops because we had to be back for school the next day.
 

chrisg46

LE
Book Reviewer
#8
Someone please review his book on Amazon??
 
#10
dan_man said:
So he was in the cadets and saw action in Iraq wow, when I was in the cadets we never went on Ops.
Did they have child labour in your day? Or were you lot just sent down the mines for sh*ts n giggles?
 
#11
cpunk said:
Alas the truth is slightly more prosaic. I won't use his real name here - yet - but I can tell you that in reality, his only commissioned service in the British Army was a 10-month period as a probationary 2nd Lt in the Essex ACF in 1990. :D
Who is this cnut cpunk? Give us his name... dunno why, but this really grips me. Being a Walt is one thing, but this is obscene and makes me want to tie him to the bonnet of a vehicle in Bagdad.
 
#12
BaldricksBullet said:
cpunk said:
Alas the truth is slightly more prosaic. I won't use his real name here - yet - but I can tell you that in reality, his only commissioned service in the British Army was a 10-month period as a probationary 2nd Lt in the Essex ACF in 1990. :D
Who is this cnut cpunk? Give us his name... dunno why, but this really grips me. Being a Walt is one thing, but this is obscene and makes me want to tie him to the bonnet of a vehicle in Bagdad.
Ah! Balders old chap!

Something tells me you don't have a bullet with his name on it then!
 
#13
Amazing how the review section still doesnt work! They dont want the truth to be out ha ha!
 
#14
Storeman Norman said:
BaldricksBullet said:
cpunk said:
Alas the truth is slightly more prosaic. I won't use his real name here - yet - but I can tell you that in reality, his only commissioned service in the British Army was a 10-month period as a probationary 2nd Lt in the Essex ACF in 1990. :D
Who is this cnut cpunk? Give us his name... dunno why, but this really grips me. Being a Walt is one thing, but this is obscene and makes me want to tie him to the bonnet of a vehicle in Bagdad.
Ah! Balders old chap!

Something tells me you don't have a bullet with his name on it then!
Good bloody idea!... I think I might start a library ... come on cpunk - wassisname!
 
#15
Just wait until cpunk posts the follow up where he claims, in defence of being "walted" that 5 copies of his book were found in OBL's cave in the Tora Bora and the NSA think he used them as a planning guide for 9/11. Ergo the NSA invited Mr Arden in for a "chat sans tea and biccies". He then mumbles on about writing his books as a cover for black ops that the NSA forced him to do.. or some such bollox.
 
#16
Grauniad review:

</p> http://www.guardianbookshop.co.uk/B...MSFragment=NewReleases.jsp&title=New releases


</p>
Desert Fire

</p>
Niall Arden

</p>
RRP: £ 16.99

</p>
Our price: £15.99

</p>
Trapped. Surrounded. Betrayed. This is the shocking true story of a top secret mission in Iraq. A covert unit of British SAS, US Delta Force, CIA and British intelligence operatives was formed during the build up to the Second Gulf War to carry out top-secret operations in Northern Iraq. Officially they didn't exist*. To ensure the stability of Northern Iraq, these men were sent to recruit the Kurdish Peshmerga guerrillas to join the invasion. This ultra-clandestine mission was headed up by Niall Arden, an SAS veteran and black operations specialist.
*could this be a "covert" admission?
 
#18
"Dear Mr Arden, please find enclosed a 7.65mm bullet with your name inscribed. Ordinarily, I would only produce one such bullet, it's purpose being that if you own your own bullet, you should be free of the risk of being shot. In your case, I have made an exception and have produced 2,000 such mementos. The remaining 1,999 have been distributed throughout numerous factions in many parts of the world. Sleep peacefully. Lots of Love, Baldrick"
 
#19
BaldricksBullet said:
cpunk said:
Alas the truth is slightly more prosaic. I won't use his real name here - yet - but I can tell you that in reality, his only commissioned service in the British Army was a 10-month period as a probationary 2nd Lt in the Essex ACF in 1990. :D
Who is this cnut cpunk? Give us his name... dunno why, but this really grips me. Being a Walt is one thing, but this is obscene and makes me want to tie him to the bonnet of a vehicle in Bagdad.

Don't worry chookiep - as he is affectionately known - often has that effect on people.....
 

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