New TV Show ideas

#1
Having seen the levels of creativity demanded by the media these days, I reckon there is a mile-wide gap in the market for innovative thinking of the sort that only ARRSE can provide. It would raise both the general standard of British TV, and also a few bob for Hols. I've only been doing this for five minutes and already come up with a surefire winner:

Through the Arsehole - Lloyd Grossman, under the influence of a cocktail of powerful psychotropic drugs picked by 'the randomizer', arbitrarily selects a celebrity who will have their home savagely invaded and be subjected to a brutal and prolonged series of anal violations.
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#2
Through the Arsehole - Lloyd Grossman, under the influence of a cocktail of powerful psychotropic drugs picked by 'the randomizer', arbitrarily selects a celebrity who will have their home savagely invaded and be subjected to a brutal and prolonged series of anal violations.
That is shite to be frank. No offence.

NOT QUITE POSH BIRDS

A bunch of mostly blonde skinny birds and one that looks like a horse hook up with some emasculated 1990's blokes (one should be called Tim and be a right fucking cunt) and they set out on lifes rusty old road. None of them ever imagines they will become the transvestite princess, or PRINCESS TV. Why would they? You start out with a few skinny whining birds from Cheltenham and Gloucestershire, throw in some dismal queers and a Goth and who could think you could get Princess TV?
 
#3
I've only been doing this for five minutes
Don't say "only", 5 minutes is an awful lot of time in this day and age. I know of a respectable tv production company who lets junior staff members, with little than a week's work experience, publicise their ideas on random internet fora to discuss tv shows in public with the public. You should consider sending your application to them. I've heard a new staff position will be open soon.
 
#4
Be My Baby - ten psychologically disturbed mothers of cot death infants compete for the chance to adopt a replacement. They are given an animatronic 'baby' to carry whilst completing a series of challenging tasks requiring mental and physical agility. Each week one is voted off the show by viewers, and her mechanical baby 'dies' in her arms after releasing a pound and a half of giblets through a randomly-selected orifice.
 
#5
Celebrity Russian Roulette

6 celebrities, 6 Russian hookers (one of whom has AIDS), 6 kilos of cocaine, all locked in the Big Brother house for a week. Anyone not having overdosed or contracted AIDS at the end of the week wins a bag of de-clawed 'insertion ready' hamsters, and a party sized tub of vaseline.
 
#6
Love Thy Neighbour.

Eddie Booth is king of the street until he see's his new neighbours - Terry and June Taliban - in this delightful sitcom - laugh in wonder at how Eddie try's to outwit Terry Taliban only to end up the one with egg on his face ! Will Eddie get Terry into trouble at work ? Will Terry transform Eddies Herbaceous Border into an IED - fun and frolics for all.
 
#7
What about "BAG A PIKEY", have a pseudo competion for Pikeys families & their ilk, where the prize is a site of prime hardstanding in Islington! Pikey families compete in various events such as how much lucky heather can be sold in day in Knightsbridge, how much lead can they nick off the house of commons roof in a weekend (without getting caught), how many tarmac drives can they persuade some mugs to pay for in Camden in a day, how much cash can the families kids get begging outside Harrods in a day!
The winning family would NOT get the prize advertised but a one way trip to Chernobyl with no possibility of return! Should the Ukranians decline this special offer, a one way ferry trip to Larne!!
 
#8
Antiques Goadshow. Pensioners turn up with their assorted heirlooms and a set of experts lay into the assorted toss as meaningless, worthless, tasteless shite and criticise the owner's dress sense and smell. Sort of like the subtext of the current version.

Not to be confused with:

Twats in the Attic. A D-list celeb pitches up to some poor pensioner's house and discovers Boris Johnson, Alan Sugar, Diane Abbot and Piers Morgan hiding beneath the rafters.
 
A

allgone2ratsh1t

Guest
#9
Pikey Location, Pikey Location, Pikey Location

Residents of trailers parks looking for new places to illegally pitch up on.

And a spin-off Pikey Relocation, Pikey Relocation Pikey Relocation. A fly on shit sorry on the wall documentary about those lot evicted somewhere Dahn Souf East.
 
#10
Up My Pipe

Each week, a different batshit lunatic dictator hides in his "Sewer Pipe of Doom" from the 10 available while celebrity contestants answer topical news questions for the right to loose off a gold-plated round from the gold-plated "Browning of Destiny" up the pipe of their choice in the final round. With Sir Trevor McDonald and Louie Spence.
 
#11
Up My Pipe

Each week, a different batshit lunatic dictator hides in his "Sewer Pipe of Doom" from the 10 available while celebrity contestants answer topical news questions for the right to loose off a gold-plated round from the gold-plated "Browning of Destiny" up the pipe of their choice in the final round. With Sir Trevor McDonald and Louie Spence.
Brilliant!
 
#14
Extreme Gladiator.

Illegal immigrants perform hilarious but very dangerous stunts in order to win points, which they can exchange for a variety of melee weapons, which they can use in the final battle, in fancy dress, in a shopping mall.

Last one standing lands a job in transport for London (where a command of English is not essential) and a passport.
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#15
Chemical Spill In The Orphanage

There is a chemical spill in the orphanage and the orphans have to do a little song and dance or a poem to make it onto the bus.

But SURPRISE SURPRISE!!! There are 32 orphans and the bus only seats 28. The orphans get to vote for the four melters.
 
A

allgone2ratsh1t

Guest
#16
Britains Got Porn Talent
Birds of all shapes and sizes show off their minges and fellation ablities on me (my show) and a select few Arrsers and we get to decide who has the most porn talent. Crap utter bollcoks but boubd to some munters dying for a bit
 
T

trowel

Guest
#17
Extreme Gladiator.

Illegal immigrants perform hilarious but very dangerous stunts in order to win points, which they can exchange for a variety of melee weapons, which they can use in the final battle, in fancy dress, in a shopping mall.

Last one standing lands a job in transport for London (where a command of English is not essential) and a passport.
No, last one standing is bunged on a plane back to his toilet of origin.
 

the_boy_syrup

LE
Book Reviewer
#18
Rear Party Favorites.

Follow the rear party as they work their way through the Ron Hill Commandoes on the patch.
The winning wife is then flown out to theatre to meet her husband.
He is shown a preview tape in front of all his mates just before she lands.

Double points if he gets injured ad she has to beg his forgivness in Selly Oak.
 
#19
"Burn Paki, Burn!"

An ingenious new variety show on Channel 4 where Asian males are burnt to death using a variety of flammable liquids.
 
#20
Targets Will Fall When Hit

Each week a different group of contestants - drawn from a pool of immigrants, pikeys, chavs, journos, MPs, and media gurus - compete in a 100m dash. Sound easy? Its 100m across a live firing range.
 

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