New Slang Dictionary

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Minxy, Jan 27, 2005.

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  1. Aussie Kiss: Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

    Back End of the Batmobile: The state of your Brass Eye soon after you eat a really hot curry. "I had a Ring Stinger in the Benghazi restaurant last night, and now I've got a dose of Gandhi's Revenge. My arse feels like the back end of the Batmobile."

    Beaver Leaver (or Vagina Decliner): A homosexual. Beer Coat: The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze-up at 3 in the morning.

    Beer Compass: The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a booze-up, even though you're too pissed to remember where you live, how you get there, and where you've come from.

    BOBFOC: Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.

    Bone of Contention: A hard-on that causes an argument. e.g. one that arises when a man is watching Olympic beach volleyball on TV with his girlfriend.

    Breaking the Seal: Your 1st piss in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

    BVH: Blue-Veined Hooligan. The 1-eyed skinhead.

    Cider Visor: Beer Goggles for the young drinker.

    Cock-A-Doodle-Poo: The bowel movement that, needing to come out urgently, wakes you up in the morning to get to the toilet quick.

    Crappuccino: The particularly frothy type of diarrhoea that you get when abroad.

    Etch-A-Sketch: Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling both of her nipples simultaneously.

    Frigmarole: Unnecessarily time-consuming foreplay.

    Going For a McShit: Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food,you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is a McShit With Lies.

    Greyhound: A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

    Hand-to-Gland Combat: A vigorous masturbation session.

    McSplurry: The type of bowel movement you experience after dining for a week in fast food restaurants.

    Millennium Domes: The contents of a Wonderbra. i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually feck-all in there worth seeing.

    Mystery Bus: The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

    Mystery Taxi: The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.

    NBR: No Beers Required. Someone that you'd chat up instantly in the pub.

    Starfish Trooper (or Arsetronaut.) : A homosexual.

    10-Pinter: Someone that you'd only chat up after drinking at least 10 pints.

    2-Bagger: Someone that you'd need 2 paper bags to have sex with. (1 to cover theirm head, and 1 to cover yours, in case their bag falls off.)

    Titanic: A lady who goes down first time out.

    Todger Dodger: A lesbian.

    X-Piles: Unwanted visitors from

    8O censored!!!LMAO....
  2. Seems like a coupla pages from Rogers Profannasaurus. My Favourite is the beer monkey

    Simian like creature, that after being to the pub for only one pint, steals your change from your wallet, ruffles your hair and shits in your mouth.
  3. Tried to verbally explain the 'etch-a-sketch' to Lady Flash, blank look, then drew a picture, blank look. Did a google search for her, blank look. Wipped her blouse off and did a 'practical', all was clear except the smile, more a look of 'I've just had a 6/0 fish hook popped through me nipples and suspended from the third floor of Fortnum and Masons'. Quite erotic actually.

    Top post BTW mereminx (as long as you aint TCBB!).

    Another top tip. Ask your girly/wife/prostitute if your breath smells (having had the green card for physical interaction, works best whilst 'cuddled up with wood having watched 'Love Actually'). If she replies "you stink of fags, kebab, booze and garlic" simply manoeuvre her using the famous 'one armed roll' akin to placing a casualty into the 'recovery position' then, et voila, you are superbly placed to slip her a crippler up the sheriffs badge. Shes happy, not whiffing your body bag breath, youre happy, having rogered her up the back box, the State is happy that they do not have to place 250 quid in a trust fund nine months later. Win, win, win IMHO.

    To be known as halitosis sex.

    Who said us chaps were stoopid? :wink:
  4. What about the Time Taxi:

    The Taxi that must have been waiting for you the second you set foot out of the pub and deposited you, some time later, in your bed, with no idea what happened in-between.
  5. Being a gurl I can't vouch for how true this one is but one of the chaps in the office says he has been in a "Turkish Taxi" which is exatcly the same but apparently you wake up with a sore bottom as well.
  6. What about the 'ROBO-TURD'

    Big monstrous b@St@rd of a turd that gives you 20 seconds to comply!
  7. Goatman

    Goatman LE Book Reviewer

    Not funny just Newspeak, which I hadn't come across till I was playing silly soldiers in 2003:

    FÜck Buddy - someone of the opposite sex with whom you have an occasionally physical relationship. eg casual, uncommitted sex with no expectations on either side (note this is NOT the same as a one night stand...'cos you expect to see each other again sometime...)

    Now, ladies, do any of YOU have a FÜck buddy ? Or is it just a guy thing ? Is it a generational thing...quite unremarkable to people under 25 ? Or have I been drinking antifreeze too long ?

    Baffled of Goat Pastures, Herts needs to know.....
  8. Ill let you try and figure it out first....... nope - well yes women do have fuck buddies - if they didn't it would be called a relationship because once a women thinks you are together you are together.

    fuck buddies are very common in essex....
  9. Essex, the land of tits and curries!