New retention policy

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by one_flew_over, Jan 18, 2004.

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  1. As a result of Government proposed for reductions and budget cuts the MOD has developed a programme to reduce the number of active duty personnel. This programme is under a test phase, will be effective from 1 Jan 2004.

    Under this new programme, older soldiers will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger soldiers who represent the future of the army. This programme is designed to phase out the older soldier by the end of the fiscal year, this initial phase of the programme will be known as SLAP (Soldiers Late-Aged Programme).

    Soldiers who have been SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for future employment prior to leaving the army. SLAPPED soldiers can request a copy of their personal records before actual retirement takes place. This phase of the programme will be known as SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers).

    Soldiers who have been SLAPPED and/or SCREWED, may file an appeal through their chain of command with the final authority being granted by their Commanding Officer. This will be known as SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).

    Under the terms of the new policy, a soldier may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the Army deems appropriate.

    If a soldier follows the above procedures, he/she will be entitled to get Half Earnings for Retired Personnel’s Early Severance (HERPES), or Combined Lump-sum Assistance Payment (CLAP). The only exceptions to this is soldiers who may have Additional Income from Dependants or Spouse (AIDS).

    Under the terms of this programme, any soldier who has received HERPES, CLAP or has AIDS, he/she will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the Army.

    The Army wishes to assure the younger soldiers who remain, that the Army will continue its policy of training through its Special High Intensity Training (SHIT). The Army takes great pride in the amount of SHIT its soldiers receive. The Army has given its soldiers more SHIT than any other service. If any soldier feels they do not receive enough SHIT within their present employment, they are to contact their OC immediately. All Army Officers are specially trained to make sure their soldiers receive as much SHIT as possible during their career.


    ofo
     
  2. As one of those older soldiers mentioned I failed to hold my bladder during the reading of this post.
     
  3. Sorry OFO.......but have you been asleep for the past 10 years?

    Funny though! :lol: