New Religion!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by BiscuitsAB, Feb 10, 2010.

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  1. BiscuitsAB

    BiscuitsAB LE Moderator

    Right, thats it Im fucked off with everyone winging and whining about other peoples sky pixies and their belief systems.

    I suggest we start a new Religion and i want suggestions as to "Our Sky Pixie says we " have to, cant do, must only do etc etc.

    Once finalised i will need 10,000 people to sign up to it at the time of the next census and we will have our very own recognized religion with which we can cause havok.

    In your own time carry on.
  2. Didn't a few hundred thousand say they were Jedi only for the goverment to ignore it?

    If not, I'd like our sky pixie to allow me to mock other people sky pixies without having some boring throbber drone on about how intolorant/prejudice I am.
  3. Must eat custard out of a young nubile virgins bellybutton!!
  4. Why not make ARRSE a religion
  5. BiscuitsAB

    BiscuitsAB LE Moderator

    what the fucking hell did I just propose? is it me? can I make my self any fcuking clearer? I propose that my new ARRSE sky pixie curses anyone that states the obvious with dripping syph. :p
  6. I can't.

    It would make a mockery of my legally entered religion on the Census of "Jedi"

    Any none Jedi out there, I KILL YOU
  7. Ludicrous Sky-Pixie of ARRSE Commandment number 54:

    "Anyone who doth slate thy thirst with a pint glass tankard with a handle, shall be condemned as a beard-wearing member of the campaign for real ale. He shalt be taken to the pub car park, and have a Ford Mondeo lowered upon his skull until he est dead-eth"

    Just a pet hate of mine, alright?
  8. So that's one philosophy sorted, non-benevolence.

    Is it Him or just his prophet's (BAB) definition that is vengeful? Because if it's his prophet then I'm going to start a schism.
  9. BiscuitsAB

    BiscuitsAB LE Moderator

    Im not a prophet Im just a very naughty oh hang on that something else ;-)

    Excellent not even got the fucker off the ground and we have a proposed schism. you get 10,000 I'll get 10,000 then we can re-unify and really cause Kaos.

    But my lot are banned from BBQ'ing vegtables. its for MEAT only ok!
  10. Jedi is not a recognised religion in the UK.

    You Jedi religious walt.
  11. What's the consensus on the Emperor Mong? Does he sit on the right hand of the Sky Pixie or is he a fallen angel, the evil one, the great deceiver, Lucifer, the source of all evil?

    And what's the score with your religious dress? If it's jeans and tee shirt I'm in, otherwise I remain Sky Pixie agnostic.

    Anyway, if He, or His son, wants me for a sunbeam, he'll have to come to me in a vision tonight; preferably of one of the blondes in Hollyoaks who needs some immaculate conception and a promise that the CSA (and my wife) won't find out.
  12. BiscuitsAB

    BiscuitsAB LE Moderator

    You want to argue with this lot :)
    Church of the Jedi
  13. Trans-sane

    Trans-sane LE Book Reviewer

    What about the onion and pepper on a kebab???
  14. In my Religion we are allowed to burn Daily Mail readers and people who drive wearing hats (uniform excepted). It is my ecumenical duty to encourage the paranoia of conspiracy theorists and encourage bloggers to depart from nature's productive flow by writing yet more crap that others never read.

    My articles of faith (to be carried at all times) are:

    A small knife used for slashing the tyres of blinged up Saxos.
    Pocket lint.
    A battered 'devotional' iPhone containing uplifting technicolour cinematographs of acts of selfless love and devotion.
    A hipflask of homemade mulberry gin.