New Recruit Guidelines

Recruit Assessment
Subject: Prospective Recruit Assessment
To: All Army Careers Officers

The following guidelines shall be used when hiring new Recruits.

Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.

If they have taken the table apart in that time, put them in the Royal Engineers.

If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to the AGC.

If they are screaming and waving their arms, send them off to the PT Corps.

If they are talking to the chairs, send them to the Royal Corps of Signals.

If they are sleeping, they are Officer Material.

If they are writing up the experience, send them to the SAS.

If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to MOD Police.

If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, send them to the Intelligence Corps.

And if they try to leave early, tell them where the RAF office is.