Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by pomps, Apr 2, 2005.
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So JPII is a gonner, who next.... my three are:
Fred from the Homepride adverts
'scuse me, I draw attention to my avatar.
Being "pre approved" by the last coffin dodger, I rightfully claim the Papal throne as mine.
Anyone got any requests?
Yeah - let the papists use condoms, please!
free beer and tony blair to get a bad dose of torrets!!
I thought MDN was in with a shout...
I know the last time he met the pope he asked if he could kiss his ring.
My nominations are
1,Tony "The Messiah" Blair
2, Michel "Jesus Earth Song" Jackson
3,The Vicar of Dibley
So any other nominations before the white smoke goes up ??
Already in the New Catholic Charter, along with him contracting the Ebola virus.
Consider it done, if it's good enough for Brazillian whores in the 'Dam, it's good enough for my flock.
I'm up for the position if its offered...........
I'd be far more apprachable, keener to forgive and much more open to bungs, bribes and backhanders than anyone fromt he Catholic church can recruit..... Unless of course those seeking forgiveness are: French, American, Gay, Welsh, ugly, poor, on benefits, pests or blondebint
Besides Pope MDN is far better than Pope jean-peul that just sounds gay and French.
I'd look a proper hero in one of those Mitres two, I'd wear it over my left eye and shape the cnut properly making me look 'nails'
I know there is a no sex rule but can you still be sucked off?
Bet you I'd get more supporters as "Pope Aunty Stella of Leuven". I reckon I could rely on the support of several thousand well armed BritMil for a start.
You are right, clearly the Peoples pontiff
Can I be a cardinal then? and try on your hat now and then when no-ones looking..
Suppose it was a waste of time teaching myself how to talk like the cartoon God from 'Holy Grail'
Indeed you can be.
In fact, as my first holy and malty flavoured order, I hearby pronounce the following as cardinals
Cutaway (your rape and abduction crimes are absolved)
Head Cardinal is of course Ramilies, but he appears to have skulked off somewhere lately, but we're sure his intentions are good, holy and above all, hoppy and malty.
The Devil (or Lucifer if you will) will from herein be known as "BB" or "Dale", depending on the context used. For all things twisted and wrong it be "BB", for all things against the ten commandments (other than gluttony) and all other things (esp lies and exaggeration) it be "Dale".
For gluttony, obviously, itâs BBC.
Whilst it begrudges me to be 2ic to the ginger Brummie...... he probably would be a better pope than me....
I want to be a more specialer and betterer Cardinal than the others... Afterall Jesus thinks I am a sunbeam.
I think we should abolish the frocking ceremony, put on jeans party bonnets and get lashed on all that good vino in the vatican...... Then put god right on a few things and begin to line our pockets.
Instead of the Pope mobile we should all be kitted out with Shiney Aston Martins. Clearly we wont need GPS as Gods glow will take us were we need to go.
I'm not doing Sundays either and better not let me do christenings, not quite got the thumb in soft part of head thing out of my system yet
Sunday worship is a Jewish thing anyway. And even if it isn't, it will be after I'm elected. (Nowt against Jews but theyâre as good as an excuse as any)
After my first Papal orders (see above), the rest will be as follows
2nd Papal order will be to ban all vehicles except fast chariots from the roads on Sundays,
3rd make Sunday sesh's compulsary
4th replace Communal Wine with Glenfiddich (by the quarter bottle each)
5th replace Holy wafers with Naan Bread (with a nice Tikka Masala on the side)
6th Outlaw all carriage or use of weapons by any Pope follower except if they swear an allegiance to follow all of my orders, who has, in turn, inadvertently swore an oath to follow Her Maj's orders (oops)
I'm sure that more will follow as my alcohol intake increases.
Holy Mary mother of God
Got up the Duff by an invisible Bod
Joseph was daft because he beleived
father another mans swill as she decieved
Jesus grew up all meek and mild
Everyone knew he was a differnet child
Played footballs for the team and got sent off
performing miracles and showing off
Poncing around and lighting candles
Disco dancing in his groovy sandles
Need a miracle, he's the man that could
Romans nailed him to a block of wood
For a man that did magic he couldn't get down
looked up at the sky and began to frown
Dad you cnut don't leave me here
He said 'Talk to me sunday I'm out on the beer'
Sunday came he rose again
Ascended to heaven to join his dads den
Bow to the holy ghost your lord and master
For your hands and feet I'll fetch a plaster
Fcuking doddle this cardinal lark............ Chrurch parade at Castle MDN on sunday, bring a crate and some steak and stuff, don't bother with the fish, that show off is still knocking it out at 5000 a time
Separate names with a comma.