I'd be far more apprachable, keener to forgive and much more open to bungs, bribes and backhanders than anyone fromt he Catholic church can recruit..... Unless of course those seeking forgiveness are: French, American, Gay, Welsh, ugly, poor, on benefits, pests or blondebint
Besides Pope MDN is far better than Pope jean-peul that just sounds gay and French.
I'd look a proper hero in one of those Mitres two, I'd wear it over my left eye and shape the cnut properly making me look 'nails'
I know there is a no sex rule but can you still be sucked off?
In fact, as my first holy and malty flavoured order, I hearby pronounce the following as cardinals
Cutaway (your rape and abduction crimes are absolved)
Head Cardinal is of course Ramilies, but he appears to have skulked off somewhere lately, but we're sure his intentions are good, holy and above all, hoppy and malty.
The Devil (or Lucifer if you will) will from herein be known as "BB" or "Dale", depending on the context used. For all things twisted and wrong it be "BB", for all things against the ten commandments (other than gluttony) and all other things (esp lies and exaggeration) it be "Dale".
Sunday worship is a Jewish thing anyway. And even if it isn't, it will be after I'm elected. (Nowt against Jews but theyâre as good as an excuse as any)
After my first Papal orders (see above), the rest will be as follows
2nd Papal order will be to ban all vehicles except fast chariots from the roads on Sundays,
3rd make Sunday sesh's compulsary
4th replace Communal Wine with Glenfiddich (by the quarter bottle each)
5th replace Holy wafers with Naan Bread (with a nice Tikka Masala on the side)
6th Outlaw all carriage or use of weapons by any Pope follower except if they swear an allegiance to follow all of my orders, who has, in turn, inadvertently swore an oath to follow Her Maj's orders (oops)
I'm sure that more will follow as my alcohol intake increases.
Holy Mary mother of God
Got up the Duff by an invisible Bod
Joseph was daft because he beleived
father another mans swill as she decieved
Jesus grew up all meek and mild
Everyone knew he was a differnet child
Played footballs for the team and got sent off
performing miracles and showing off
Poncing around and lighting candles
Disco dancing in his groovy sandles
Need a miracle, he's the man that could
Romans nailed him to a block of wood
For a man that did magic he couldn't get down
looked up at the sky and began to frown
Dad you cnut don't leave me here
He said 'Talk to me sunday I'm out on the beer'
Sunday came he rose again
Ascended to heaven to join his dads den
Bow to the holy ghost your lord and master
For your hands and feet I'll fetch a plaster
Fcuking doddle this cardinal lark............ Chrurch parade at Castle MDN on sunday, bring a crate and some steak and stuff, don't bother with the fish, that show off is still knocking it out at 5000 a time
Can we design our own kit & robes & stuff now ?
I don't think these big frocks really do it for me, reckon some sterner aparrel should bring the sinners into line a bit better.
Talking of sinners, are you going to redefine this whole 'sin' thing ?
Before it was all this cut down on the fornication, stop getting p!ssed, don't slot too many people and suchlike.
Can we have some realistic rules that the Big Man gives the nod to ?
I take it as read that the Cardinals may now have concubines ?
Other than MDN, none of the appointees want to hang out the back of an alterboy.