New Penal Colony

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by crabby, May 18, 2006.

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  1. In the good old days anyone naughty was sent to Australia. Here they learnt to cook over an open fire (bbq) and export their urine in the form of Fosters Lager. Things have gone pretty well, Australia turned out pretty well.

    However, they probably wouldn't be too happy if we started deporting all our little chavs/chavettes and god forbid... scousers :D to Australia, what with them "going straight" now and all that.

    It was suggested in another thread we should trade Chavs for Gurkhas, therefore our unwanted (and unwashed) would be heading to Nepal. Are there any better locations for this miscreants?

    Finally would this break the Basel Convention which bans the transboundry transport of Hazardous waste?

    Suggestions will be condensed and sent to John Reid, although he may have bigger deportation issues on his hands at the moment
  2. Send them to France, two birds with one stone.
  3. Absolutely top notch idea! Now, given that many of our great unwashed like spending their time in far east locales, how about we do an exchange with some countries out there (that don't have a welfare system) and swap useful people who unfortunately can't get employment, with our idle scummers. A win-win situation. We get useful members of society; the chavs get a free holiday in a nice warm place, and a year later the country we send 'em to gets 150 lbs of fertisiler!

    Now then, as to transport; I'm thinking para drop them in, but as they'll only be doing it once, don't bother with training (or parachutes).

    Those who think that this is appalling, may choose to believe that I am joking if they so wish.

  4. How about we ask our Russian friends for some help, Rebirth Island in the Aral sea, plenty of anthrax there.

    How about swapping munters for nice women?
  5. The cheaper option would be the Isle of Wight. Its at least four miles away from the mainland so to far for someone wearing 2 tonnes of faux gold to swim. Half the chav population will have spent time thier already (at her majesties pleasure). The navy can use the island for target practice, without fear of killing normal humans (chavs don't count as human!). And the island is sh1te so it won't be missed.

    Failing that, perhaps an all expenses paid holiday to Bikini Atoll, where they can walk around in skimpy swimwear, covering as little skin as possible; eat the local foods and drink the local water. Or perhaps an outward bound project to Chernobyl???
  6. Now you're talking!
  7. South Geogia would be the place to send them.The could live amongst/or eat the Elephant seals,roast the skua's ect.They couldn't trash the place as there is nothing to trash.900 miles from anywhere.A red cross airdrop every 6 months or so. Sounds about right to me.

  8. Too close, and there's a tunnel. Add that to the fact that half of them are currently out there with their huge bellys/gold chains in "citie europe" (calais) sampling the best french cuisine (full english washed down with any lager bought from the Tesco there). They'd enjoy it far too much.

    Again - Isle of Wight - Too close, I'd hate to think of the occasional one making it back to Mainland.

    How about some country that ends in "stan" and has a questionnable stance on human rights? There are loads of Stans out there, they could never find their way back and they'll be properly persecuted out there rather than the weedy measures we can use in this country having our hands tied by human rights etc...

    Why para drop them? Why not pack them into crates, 4 x 4 with one small water bottle attached to the cage mesh. Or is that slightly too mean? After all, most of them are parents by the time they're 16, shall we make it a bigger cage so they can take their sprogs with them?
  9. falklands already got a big runway ship um out ot east falkland rig up a few drones for tv survelliance and bobs your uncle chav camp. self funding through reality TV 8)
    bonus one look at the new residents and even eransto not going to want to invade :twisted:
  10. Angelsey. The Menai Straits don't look that imposing, but it's one of the most dangerous stretches of water in Europe. The scumbags will think they can swim across it, the currents will catch them and their blackened and bloated corpses will wash up on some Irish beach about a month later.

  11. I'm posted down at the falkland I don't want the fecking chav bast@rds :x Unless i can take them to onion range for live targets :wink:
  12. Falklands :)
  13. I think the Falklands is an excellent idea.

    "One straight line chaps, don't worry about the barbed wire and the red triangular signs, and off we jolly well go!"