New national sports

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by crabby, May 7, 2006.

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  1. With the demise of fox hunting and witch burning as our best national sports (occasionally we'd burn a frenchy, no idea why it didn't really take off, I'd pay to watch) we've been left with bowls, cricket and period costume drama - although noone does period costume drama quite like us I feel that we can not sustain a strong society with this as our best national "sport".

    Therefore we need new suggestions.

    Chav hunting is the obvious. Chavs need culling, their population is out of control and they are pests feeding off those hard working. Yet this is all a pretence, there are more effective ways of chav culling then weekend shootings and letting dogs rip them to pieces, none are anywhere near as fun though. How else can rural folk dress up, look silly, ride around and blow on horns?

    B*tch burning - Find those women that are, plainly, b*tches. Burn them, possibly with baked potatos wrapped in foil strategically placed to stave off hunger pangs.

    French Bashing - Calais is as good as British now anyway, why not give ourselves a port on the mainland? Couple of swift, decisive victories to name some more roads after and everyone is happy.

    Poisoning politicians - We used to try this on kings and queens when they started taxing us too much, a little bit of poison here, an STD there etc... Most people on this site serve good old queeny, yet she's not the one taxing us. How about new, inventive ways of locking Messers Blair, Cameron, Prescott and Portillo in the Tower and watching them magically disappear?

    All ideas and feasibility studies are welcome

    (P.S if anyone of the above are attempted I am not to be held responsible, I do not condone any of the above... honest :p)
     
  2. How could I forget our best national sport - Empire building

    Any suggestions as to where we should start our second wave of ruthless empire building? Who's the first under the thumb? Are they going to be armed with dry grass or do we need a softer target? (overstretch anyone?)
     
  3. Could we also add an annual Troll cull, while we need a few to bait when there isn't anything happening, I feel that once in a while we should have an Arrse Troll Cull, under strictly controlled conditions we could keep the numbers down and discourage any others from joining the ranks of trollishness. (Nothing will ever stop them, but we can discourage them or persuade them to infest another web site)
     
  4. Walt hunts or should I say, the hunting of Walts.

    Makes sense to me.
     
  5. god help us when shorty gets hold of this thread

    re chav culling, I was more thinking of chav field firing assistance, the troops need some live target practivce so it's a good return on our spent tax investment on the filthy spongers

    also, we could attach them to teh REe for mine field clearance - bullet catchers and mine clearance, might be to much to expecta chav to hold down one job yet alone two?!
     
  6. An excellent idea.
    I can think of two trolls in particular, we could start in Worthing and then work our way over to Gwent.
    Would we be setting a pack of rabid dogs on them or just shooting on site?