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New multi-denominational Holy Book

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#1
Disappointed by the misinterpretation of many of his earlier works lately, God/Jehovah/Allah/Ra/The Big Tree on the Hill has decided to return to print in an effort to clarify a few things in an abridged version of all his previous publications.

"I know I keep saying, 'that's it, that's the final version', but I just can't help it, I feel there's one more book left in me yet." explained an apparition. "Maybe I only have myself to blame? I've always left the message a little vague, perhaps flowering up the story line a tad too much, and possibly delivering it via clumsy tablets and gold blocks written in Aramaic and the like didn't help either in omnipotent hindsight, but for My sake, how bloody hard can it be to understand the actual meaning guys!?" asked an exasperated Almighty.
...
Publishers have expressed concerns that releasing the text so close to the new Dan Brown novel might affect its position in the charts but are optimistic that once copyright issues regarding the apple logo are ironed out, the new simplified text will be available via iTunes and other online formats giving the proposed new Word a fair shout.

"I just hope someone reads it properly this time!" said Him/Her.
 

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#3
By the time organised religion finishes 'interpreting' it, it'll read something like, "I want you to chuck all your money in the plate this man's holding and then do whatever he tells you. Your kids will be perfectly safe, honest.- would I lie to you?"
 
#4
Disappointed by the misinterpretation of many of his earlier works .

Actualy the earlier works were/are full of people being told to kill in the name of (insert sky pixie here)
But seen as how they were all written by mortal humans with an agenda, it's not surprising.

If it wasn't so fucking tragic, you're post would be funny.
 

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