New Medical Acronyms

Discussion in 'Professionally Qualified, RAMC and QARANC' started by DontMentionTheWar, Jan 5, 2007.

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  1. Acute Lead Poisoning - Gunshot wound (also High Velocity Lead Poisoning)
    Acute Gravity Attack - Fell over
    Ash Cash - money for signing cremation forms; therefore...
    Ash Point - Bereavement Office
    Assuming Room Temperature - Dead

    Babygram - X-raying a newborn
    Bury the Hatchet - accidently leave a surgical instrument inside a patient
    BVA - Breathing Valuable Air
    BWCO - Baby Won't Come Out (needs Caesarean)

    Celestial Transfer / Transferred to the Eternal Care Unit (ECU) - died
    Cephosplat - antibiotic Domestos
    CFT - Chronic Food Toxicity (obesity)
    Cheerioma - a patient with a highly aggressive, malignant tumour
    Cold-tea sign - refers to the several cups of cold tea on the bedside cabinet beside a dead geriatric (i.e. no-one noticed the patient had died)
    COPD - Chronic Old Persons Disease (unwell, no specific cause)

    Dagenham - (psych) Severely disturbed, i.e. 3 stops beyond Barking
    DBI - Dirt Bag Index (no. of tattoos x no. of missing teeth = days since the patient last bathed)
    Dermaholiday - one of the less intensive clinical specialties...
    DILF - nursing slang for good-looking doctor
    Donorcycle - Motorbike
    Double blind trial - two orthopaedic surgeons looking at an ECG
    Doughnut - CT scanner
    DTS - Danger To Shipping (in a particularly large patient's records)

    ERCP - Emergency Retrograde Clerking of Patient (an emergency catch-up procedure before the consultant rounds)

    Faecal Encephalopathy - Sh*t for brains
    FDSTW - Found Dead Stayed That Way
    Failed Impact Resistance test - Crash victim
    Failure to Fly - Attempted suicide
    FLK w/ GLM - Funny Looking Kid with a Good Looking Mother
    Freud squad - Psychiatrists
    FUBAR - Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition

    Gassers - Anaesthetists, as in gassers and slashers
    God's Waiting Room - Intensive Care Unit or Geriatric Unit
    Granny Dumping - dumping elderly relative in A&E; often happens just before Christmas or family holiday, aka the hospital granny-sitting service

    Handbag positive - Confused patient (usu. elderly lady) lying on hospital bed clutching handbag
    Hepatology Conference - Meeting in the pub (no late appointments, I'm going to a hepatology conference)
    Hi 5 - HIV positive ("V" being the Roman numeral 5)
    House red - Blood

    Inbreds - Doctors whose parents are also doctors
    Insurance Whiplash - Neck pain secondary to a very minor car bump

    JLD - Just Like Dad (which is often the explanation for FLK w/ GLM)
    Journal of Anecdotal Medicine - the source to quote for less than evidence-based medical 'facts'

    LFTWM - Looking For 3 Wise Men (applied to young pregnant females who deny having had intercourse)

    MCBP - Member of the College of Bystander Physicians (i.e. passing doctor having a look-see)
    MFI - a very large myocardial infarction
    MICO - Masterly Inactivity and Catlike Observation
    MICOS - Masterly Inactivity, Catlike Observation and Steroids
    Mushroom Syndrome - suffered by lowly medics who are kept in the dark and have crap piled on them

    n=1 trial - a polite term for experimenting on a patient
    Negative Wallet Biopsy - (US) patient transferred to cheaper hospital after discovering he has no insurance
    NFN - Normal (for Norfolk)
    NKDA - Not known, didn’t ask
    NLPR - No Long-Playing Records (dying)

    O-sign - patient unconscious with mouth open
    Obecalp - a placebo drug
    Ostrich Treatment - pretend it's not there and hope it goes away

    Paninvestigram - order ALL the tests (for when you haven't got a clue what's going on )
    PFO - Pissed, Fell Over
    Parentectomy - often the most effective cure for a child's problems
    Pathology outpatients - dead
    Percussive maintenance - the sharp tap/bang which cures faulty equipment
    Pillow Therapy - describes the urge to smother annoying patient (also Aggressive Euthanasia)
    PITA - Pain In The Ass
    Policeman Lesion - abnormality on an X-ray so obvious that a policeman would spot it
    PVC Challenge - to intubate someone

    Q-sign - patient unconscious with mouth open and tongue hanging out; Dotted Q means flies landing on tongue, i.e. dead

    Rapid Lead Infusion - obnoxious patient ought to be shot
    Retrospectoscope - instrument of hindsight
    Rule of Five - if more than five of the patient's orifices are obscured by tubing, he has no chance

    Samsonite Positive - someone who comes to hospital in an 'emergency' but has brought all their luggage (& insists on being admitted to a ward)
    Scepticaemia - what doctors develop with experience
    September Club - the students who have to return early after summer holidays for exam retakes
    Smellybridge - perineum
    SOLOMF YOYO - So long, mother-f*****, you're on your own

    Tash Test - rather insensitive sign initially thought to be predictive of HIV status
    TEETH - Tried Everything Else, Try Homeopathy
    TF BUNDY - Totally Fucked, But Unfortunately Not Dead Yet
    TFTB - Too Fat To Breathe
    TLA - Three-Letter Acronym; used repeatedly by acronymophiliacs
    TMB - Too Many Birthdays (old age)
    Trans-occipital implant - bullet wound to the head
    TTFO - Told To **** Off (when a doctor in court was asked about TTFO in his notes, he quick-wittedly replied that it stood for "To Take Fluids Orally")
    TUBE - Totally Unnecessary Breast Examination

    UBI - Unexplained Beer Injury (usually discovered on a Sunday morning )
    Unclear medicine - nuclear medicine

    Vitamin H - Haloperidol
    Vitamin P - Frusemide
    VTMK - Voice To Melt Knickers (the voice deliberately cultivated by some doctors...)

    Whopper with Cheese - Obese female with vaginal thrush
    Woolworth's Test - if you can imagine patient shopping in Woolworth's, it's safe to give them a general anaesthetic

    Zebra - an unusually strange or unexpected disease (from the saying "When you hear hoofbeats, the smart money is on horses, not zebras")

    Plus there are lots of ways of expressing the most important diagnosis...

    Lignocephalic (wooden-headed)
    Low marble count
    Microdeckia (patient playing with less that a full deck)
    Mononeuronis Asynapsis (one neuron, not connected)
    Oligoneuronal (few brain cells)
    Plank Positive
    Pneumocephalic (air-headed)
    CNS QNS - Central nervous system: quantity not sufficient
    EDGATWTTTF - Elevator Doesn't Go All The Way To The Top Floor
    ERNOBW - Engine Running, No One Behind the Wheel

    Finally, one for vets:
    CSTO - Cat Smarter Than Owner
  2. This thread should be titled 'Old medical acronyms', surely?

    But you could add

    HVLT - High Velocity Lead Therapy (GSW)
    LOLFD(D) - Little Old Lady, Fell Down (Dead)
    GCV - Gross Cranial Viscosity

    Acopia - the inability to manage daily living.

    Not an acronym, but I rather like this descrition of the four stages of general anaesthesia: Shut - The - Fcuk - Up. Or a simple test to determine if a geriatric patient is fit for anaesthetic: pull the sheet up over the face - if the patient pulls it down again, they're fit.
  3. Synaptopaenia.