New Labour New Army



With all branches of the Services overstretched & under manned , the concept (it is said) of  a new form of "National Service" is beginning to look attractive to certain sections in HMG - its just a question of how to sell it ...  a catchy name is needed, something to sell it as a "happening thing" for todays sophisticated 'yoof' ...

any thoughts as to a name ??   ::)
Tony's Toon Army!

New Deal for the unemployed! - or have we already had that one?


BANDAID - covers over the cracks but is bugger all use.
15/16th underground mess tin repair unit of foot
New Model Army

TubeWay Army - (We're not worthy, we're not worthy)

Got an idea for an ad though.. ;D

"Join the British Army.....Before the British Army joins you"

any other ideas?
British Army Company Ltd (A Sub Division of New Labour)

New Socialist Army

British Civilian Army

British Peace Keeping Civilian Forces

New Labour Death Squads

Couldn’t we do what they do in Russia?  Just get the Police to hang around train stations/bus stations/parks/shopping centres picking up youngsters and packing them off to basic training whether they want to go or not !!  Works for me....

(Yes, Tubeway Army, we’re not worthy !!  8))


Or any derivative of that ... New Labour, New Army (Teachers), New Labour New Army (Nurses), New Labour, New Army  ...anything except a modern defence force, adequately funded & equipped .... aaargh, hate to say it.. if those nast FF's had'nt scr*wed things up, you could have all been collecting your P45s - tho' we have a nice new job lined up for you as Police Community Support Officers  - nice uniform, same job, powers of arrest, sorry less money tho' - its called modernisation............
69th Regiment of Foot and Mouth (Queen's Own Tankers).   :p

After all, given the next "new" chapter of the SDR, the Army will be smaller than a WW1 regiment, the Navy will be barely big enough to invade th Isle of Wight, and the RAF will double in size.  Light blue staff work lessons anyone?


Matelot - you seem to have the measure of the place.. The B'liar Broadcasting Corporation reports tonight that the French have the  b*lls to escort a dodgy tanker away from their sign them up for their benefits......
The TA - Tony's Army (might get some funding and a strategic role, even if that would be escorting the population to vote for the smiley git)
Matelot is right of course
The AD, Locating Regiments & AAC will be the first to be moved to the RAF.

24 Airmob will move into JHC, when the tank expires, White Helemts, Cav and Household will fit in nicely with the red arrows and the Queens Colour Squadron and our police dog display team.

BTW we already do our own fire engines.

Go home Crab!


War Hero
With defence cuts ever likely in the future, take a look at the Swedish Air Force.  Same number of a/c, same offensive capability (see at but with 10% of the service personnel required.

Message: Civilianise the rest, keep the jocks and you can instantly save 10% of the entire defence budget...
Ah The Swedish Airforce, well known for it's global reach.  ( another All-source G2 brief perhaps CGS?)

I think you will find that they are confined to a home defence role.  And not a conscript in site either :p

Conversely UK forces have no home defence role, apart from some platitudes about wider use of the TA and a few men in black.  Military Task 26 seems to have been brushed quietly under the carpet to make way for Ops Fiasco and  Deny Xmas / Legitimise Dubbya .

Thank heaven for Airworks, Sandline and the Armour Group!  ( all enter stage right carrying fat Govt PFI cheques)

They should have a home defence role, defending the tunnel, the airports and the sea ports against the damn Johnny foreigners!

For f*cks sake, Sandline make a better job of it than the UN, but I still seem to recall that not 10 miles away from me, there is a mosque called "The President Madman Insane mosque".

11 years ago, I could easily get my hands on a LAW. Why won't anyone give me one now?! Or a nuke would be nice, at least a dose of BZ.

If B Liars gov (along with his fraudster employing wife) objected, we could stage a coup, and burn them all as witches (a few turnips tied to the nose, Monty Python style should provide enough evidence).

I would make Messer Spicer president.
Give them the duck treatment first though, make sure they float, therefore the same weight as wood & therefore..................................... a witch!
Maybe we should also drop the term Army and Military as this portrays aggresiveness, not a good thing in these modern times.

Also British sounds nationalistic, so lets go for Mainland Protection Department, headed up by a Labour Partry Tzar and a squad of Spin Doctors.
I remember someone coining the phrase "Smaller but better".

I suggest it should have read "Smaller but bitter".
I heard an excellent management spin;

A Leaner and more mobile force....

which equates to cutbacks & overcommitments!!
watchsecurity said:
I wonder how much it would cost us to employ Sandline (who I briefly worked for and bless Mr Spicer) to guard the borders against immigrants.

I would make Messer Spicer president.
Is that the same bloke who took his Bn to northern Ireland, encouraged them to go in hard and then abandoned 2 of his soldiers to rot in prison when a civvy court jailed them for shooting joyriders, then? I think I'd rather see B Liar in for another term than Sandline/Aegis running the country...

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