New "Irish" walt regimental society! Join now!

Discussion in 'The Lamp and Sandbag II - The Tall Story Strikes B' started by londonirish, Apr 13, 2006.

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  1. Gentlemen,

    After a recent posting on the Scottish walt, kindly answered by Gallowglass,

    , in which I enquired about The Baron of Castleshortt , aka James Short, an "Irish" walt from a council estate in Purley. Here he is, looking like a General in the Royal Irish Regiment.


    and whether he was known to members of ARRSE, I have decided to create my own organisation.

    I go home to Ballymena often to visit my dear old Ma, herself a Dubliner, and sometimes go to Rememberance parades there and also at a little village north of there. I go crazy at the sight of fat little thugs in UVF "uniform" (shirts bought from the boy scouts outfitters) who tag along with us, and in my mind, people like Shortt are just as dangerous, purporting as they do to hold some kind of claim to Irish military prowess ( you may know that the UVF 'cerimonial' uniform includes the old Royal Ulster [formerly Irish] Rifles badge ). It drives me potty.

    However, as my old Uncle Ebeneezer used to say "if you can't beat 'em join 'em" and I am of a mind to start my own little regiment. It will be called the Irish Rifle Association ( geddit? ), in memory of the 83rd and the London Irish Rifles, who surely can't last much longer sadly, and membership will be available to anyone who has been to Ireland, or knows someone who has.

    Moreover, "knife and fork" membership, as in the HAC, will be extended to anyone who knows someone who knows someone who has been to Ireland or is likely to.

    Those of us in the active unit will wear Caubeens with the badge at the back of the head. The badge itself will be the Guinness harp, and the hackle flourescent lime green.

    The wearing of medals will be encouraged, but only those to which one is unentitled, or has cast oneself.

    Black ex-police tunics will be offset with tan trousers will evoke another era of military activities in Ireland, coupled with dark glasses to achieve ballance.

    The pipers will wear saffron kilts with daggers in their St Patrick's blue hose fashioned from potatoes ( I actually did this once for a laugh at an HAC ball the potatoe bit I mean ), and the Corps of Drum 'n' Bass will wear green trews held up by string to honour Irish workmen everywhere, natilly set off with orange sashes.

    I will of course be "The O'Scolaidhe" and my Position as Grand Convenor will be for life and hereditary to be shared on my death by my twin daughters. I propose Gallowglass sir that you and your offspring will be the "Le Compte de la Sange Real d'Irelande" .

    Our motto will be "cros ar Eireannach" in memory of the great Bed and Breakfast turn-away of the 1950's (no Irish)

    And I propose that we all join the Honourable Wild Geese thingy, sorry the Honourable Society of the Irish Brigade

    , which is for Irish men who have served in foreign armies.

    Well, given the political bent of said organisation, they would most certainly consider the British Army to be foreign, and therefore our membership is assured! If we encourage all the lads from the Home Service batts to join too once they are de-mobbed, we will almost certainly have a majority and can disband the thing, after raiding its coffers to fund an almighty party!

    I invite members to apply here, and as you can see, we have extended the criteria so that almost anyone can rightfully claim what is theirs!

    Gallowglass, do please let me know soonest if you will do us the honour of joining our Regiment, which as you know has defended the misty glenns and befuddled memory of Irish history since Cunich O'Daft cut off his peni5 and threw it at the Ulster coast , thereby claiming title to silliness for a thousand generations.

    The O'Scolaidhe
    • Like Like x 2
  2. londonirish (or Your Exalted Highness The O'Scolaidhe),

    Modesty prevents me from joining the Irish Rifle Association (other than in a strictly advisory capacity), but may I be so bold as to propose a marvellous old duffer (and distant relative) known to me?

    "…Lt. Col. (Cashiered) Lord Bill ‘Spot on’ Fitzbanshee-O’Brien-O’Reilly-O’Dearme de Whatsit K.C.B., D.S.O., C.I.A. (with bar) etc; famed big-game hunter, womanizer and author of ‘It hasn’t been the same since we gave India back to a shower of lawyers’ and ‘Nasty chaps I’ve shot in Ulster’…

    His Lordship is about 92, six foot six and 22 stone; he is clad in DPM plus-fours and Norfolk jacket, golf shoes (‘Church’s mind you, me lad, none of your Eyetie rubbish!’) with Argyll socks in London Irish colours. Perched atop his considerable head is his old regimental headdress – an enormous saffron Irish caubeen complete with 2 foot hackle in ecclesiastical purple (‘Great-grandfather was the Bishop of Cork apparently’) and the badge of his old Indian Army cavalry regiment, the Duke of Wellington’s Own Irish Gurriers, better known as ‘the Bejaysus Boys’. His Lordship sports a black-lensed monocle in his left eye – ‘Anti-tank round at my dining-in back in ’33 don’t ya know, what?!’ – and is attended by his longtime factotum and gentleman’s gentleman, Havildar Hatchetman ‘Nutcracker’ McGurung MM, MC, K.C.V.O. (revoked), VC (stewards’ inquiry), late of the Brigade of Gurkhas.

    His Lordship insists on calling McGurung ‘Charles’ on account of this being the name all staff were referred to by members of the New Dehli Hellfire Club. McGurung is about four foot tall and five foot wide; he carries His Lordship’s golf bag complete with clubs, hurley, blackthorn stick and two twelve-gauge Purdeys. McGurung – despite being offered the chance to read Classics at Oxbridge – followed his love of poteen and marmalade sandwiches with which the late Lady F-O-O-O deW would ply him. His primary tasks are to call out ‘Somewhat short your Lordship, sah!’ or ‘Here come dee police sah!’ on the regular occasions His Lordship sees fit to ‘give ‘em both barrels!’ (which is often)."

    [This character sketch comes from ]

    Might I also suggest that other possible titles for this Regimentus Waltarus Hibernicus could be the Gender Observant Brigade of Scoto-Hibernian Irish Tw*ts & Eejits (GOBSHITEs) or the Monarcho-Republican All-Ireland Dragoons (MAD)?
  3. I'll join yer army.... if I can be a lcpl!
  4. I'll join as long as we get to wear a multicoloured gansey ;-)
  5. Gallowglass sir, the Regiment will not be the same without you, however, you will of course be invited to all Papal Ball's (sic).

    Your relative Lt. Col. (Cashiered) Lord Bill ‘Spot on’ Fitzbanshee-O’Brien-O’Reilly-O’Dearme de Whatsit is of course most welcome, I remember him from my days in the Spanish Foreign Legion, where we were both serving at the time, and he made a good account of himself at the Battle of Amnesia, with that other chap, let me see now, no its gone.

    Naturally, we shall incorporate the GOBSHITEs and MAD as Flank Companies, top idea.

    I wonder if you could ask Monsignor Ignatius O’Torquemada if he would be available as Regimental Padre? I recall him well from my time as a Franciscan Monk, where I was undercover, working to foil a plot against Ian Paisley by break away members of the Harryville Accordion Band.

    If there are any others who would like to join, or know anyone who they feel should be hallowed by this august and ancient Regiment, please do tell.

    If you are seeking to join, this is an ideal place to now reveal your full identity, together with CV and decorations, lineage, royal blood lines and so on.
  6. Don't do yourself down son, I had you pegged as a Knight General De Zatster at the very least
  7. Don't do yourself down son, I had you pegged as a Knight General De Zatster at the very least
  8. Indeed you may Andy, and in fact, you have just volunteered as President of the Regimental Dress Committee. All dress codes outlined in my original post are mandatory, with the addittion of said multicoloured gansey.

    Let the Regimental History scribes record that the gansey was introduced in the second hour of the Regiment's existance, ( but surely we have been going since nineteen canteen when Cunich O'Daft cut off his peni5 and threw it at the Ulster coast in a race with a viking?)

    Any more takers?

    The O'Scolaidhe
  9. I"m up for signing on, provided my bona fides can be suitably doctored - er - verified..

    My dog is named Guinness and I look great in Zoave pantaloons...and I've been known to blow up stuff from time to time..
  10. Splendid Rocketeer, welcome on board.

    Let the Regimental Annals record that the Assault Pipebombardiers are now commanded by Rocketeer and that only Pipebombardiers may wear Zoave Pantaloons.

    Perhaps you could tell us all a little about your credentials, blood lines, titles and so on sir?

    The O'Scolaidhe
  11. Thats it, me is in then!
  12. In that case I reckon you should be given the role of Assault Pioneer Sergeant. Start growing the full set immediately. Don't forget to make sure that a few gallons of Guinness drip onto it to give it that authentic Culshie look.
  13. Please see above, Rocketeer is now General-Marshall of the Aussault Pipebombeers, who will march at the head of the Old Conbustibles carrying bags of sugar and fertilizer.

    The O'Scolaidhe
  14. You is, and a hale and hearty welcome to you fellow, well met!
  15. Any chance of being able to wear the Greek Army tutu and pompoms in the Mounted Section ?

    And what do you reckon we should mount ?