New ideas for rapid troop movements on the battlefield

Discussion in 'The Training Wing' started by themaadone, Jul 26, 2007.

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  1. Now, I have given due course of attention whilst thinking about this....

    In an ever rapidly [bowel] moving time of operations I came up with the idea, that we could make troops drink a gallon of AVTUR or if need be petrol prior to combat, combined with [sponsorship deals permitting] Heinz baked beans they could light their magnificent farts andd be rocket propelled over the battlefield in a matter of seconds.

    An alternative use for these able bodied men would be jihad fart bombs!

  2. trebuchet for rapid insertion of individuals.
  3. Being shot at always produced some rapid movements.

    Or we could always convert the entire army to Light Drill.
  4. Overhaul the Land Rovers......

  5. Troops in LPC's followed by a swarm of angry wasps
  6. I was going to suggest the MOD buying new helicopters and vehicles but thought it could be a bit far fetched and unrealistic, I also realise this is a serious thread. :roll:
  7. What about telling Jock regiments that there is a half bottle of single malt behind Terry Talibans lines and watch the lightning speed of advance! :D
  8. Or tell them there's a piss taking Englishman over there.
  9. May I suggest "hopping"'s the way forward. And indeed backwards. Side to side also. Just hop to it, like the badge says...

    Another fast movement scheme would be to video the battlefield in advance, then rapidly play the film on a driving simulator. We could at least convince people that they had arrived on the battlefield and this would be good enough until we actually all had deployed. Possibly. Or again, not...

    Finally there are things called parachutes. Perhaps we could train, say three, battalions of light infantry to drop from an air transport fleet? We could call them parachute regiments? Obviously we might have to pay these chaps more to get them to be prepared to lob out of serviceable aircraft...
  10. Off-road roller skates or if fighting near Tewkesbury, surf-boards.
  11. I will take a slightly different approach to this topic. One of the problems of quickly transporting troops across the battlefield is the number of soldiers that can be transported at any one time in a particular vehicle.

    My Idea involves the use of particularly short dwarves as shock troops. Imagine how many Mini-Me's you can get in the back of a Chinook or a Warrior! You could convert Chinooks to have two levels full of Mini-Me's.

    You could easily double or even triple the number of soldiers that can be carried into battle.

    An added bonus is that they offer the enemy much smaller targets when entering or exiting vehicles.
  12. Great idea
    Cheaper uniforms aswell as you only need to get kids sizes in and cheaper for food (half portions)
  13. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Or; you could hire the chavs from my area with their Novas and Saxos. They manage to carry their pasty-faced girlfirnds and mates through a village beset by 'traffic calming measiure' at the speed of bloody light!
  14. I believe it's already been tried in that theatre.

  15. Although dwarves tend to have larger foreheads so this may present a good target. Also the cost of making new kevlars to accomodate the big forehead will be high.