New government initiative

You will be aware from reading the press that Call Me Dave has a jolly new wheeze called “The Big Society”. What you may not be aware of is something else the government is planning and that it is to crack down heavily on bad driving habits wef 1 Apr 2011.

Things like:

Driving whilst under the influence, using a mobile phone when driving, being in the company of an ugly person will all attract immediate confiscation of your vehicle.

Not signalling when turning left or right, hogging the middle lane or dawdling in the fast lane on motorways will have the same penalty.

Driving a foreign registered car whilst obviously not a tourist (spotter’s discretion) will get your car impounded and a free flight to your country of origin.

Using a parking space designated for “handicapped” does not mean having a plaster on one’s finger. You don’t have a blue badge, you park with the rest of us. Or we’ll make you handicapped!

Likewise, parking in “family spaces” when you have no kids on board will result in the fact that we’ll make sure you can’t have any more kids.

Cyclists should be aware that cars/vans/buses/trucks have a right to be on the road as well and can seriously damage your health if you mess with them. Don’t do it!

Anyone got anything else that should be included in this list? I’m sure I haven’t covered everything.


War Hero
Driving on the public highway only having one working headlight. and driving at 40 mph on a bloody motorwayshould result in a swift kick up the obvious.


Sitting at a junction and not pulling out until the approaching vehicle is near enough to just be able to brake from 70 to 10 mph before hitting you (This is common in Norfolk...) should be a hanging by the scrotum offence.

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