New Census Form for Red-Necks (I is one too)

#1
I suppose this should be on the NAAFI forum but I was afraid some of our Brit cousins may not get all the humo(u)r:

CENSUS FORM FOR RED-NECKS


Last name: ________________


First name: (Check appropriate box)
(_) Billy-Bob
(_) Billy-Joe
(_) Billy-Ray
(_) Billy-Sue
(_) Billy-Mae
(_) Billy-Jack



What does everyone call you?
(_) Booger
(_) Bubba
(_) Junior
(_) Sissy
(_) Other___________________



Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)



Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ Not sure



Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right



Occupation: (Check appropriate box)
(_) Farmer
(_) Mechanic
(_) Hair Dresser
(_) Unemployed
(_) Dirty Politic ian
(_) Preacher



Spouse’s Name:_________________________
2nd Spouse’s Name:______________________
3rd Spouse’s Name:______________________
Lover’s Name:___________________________



Relationship with spouse: (Check appropriate box)
(_) Sister
(_) Brother
(_) Aunt
(_) Uncle
(_) Cousin
(_) Mother
(_) Father
(_) Son
(_) Daughter
(_) Pet



Number of children living in household: _____
Number of children living in shed: ______
Number that are yours: ______



Mother’s Name: _______________________(If not sure, leave blank)
Father’s Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)



Do you (_) own or (_) rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)



Total number of vehicles you own: ___
Number of vehicles that still crank: ___
Number of vehicles in front yard: ___
Number of vehicles in back yard: ___
Number of vehicles on cement blocks: ___



Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck
____ bedroom
____ bathroom
____ kitchen
____ shed



Model and year of your pickup: 196_



Do you have a gun rack?
(_) Yes (_) No; If no, please explain:



Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
(_) The National Enquirer
(_) The Globe
(_) TV Guide
(_) Soap Opera Digest
(_) Rifle and Shotgun



Number of times you’ve seen a UFO:_____
Number of times in the last 5 years you’ve seen Elvis:_____
Number of times you’ve seen Elvis in a UFO:_____



How often do you bathe:
(_) Weekly
(_) Monthly
(_) Not Applicable



Color of eyes:
Left______ Right_____



Color of hair:
(_) Blond
(_) Black
(_) Red
(_) Brown
(_) White
(_) Clairol



Color of teeth:
(_) Yellow
(_) Brownish-Yellow
(_) Brown
(_) Black
(_) N/A



Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
(_)Red-Man



How far is your home from a paved road?
(_) 1 mile
(_) 2 miles
(_) just a whoop-and-a-holler
(_) road?
 
#3
Milton_Jones said:
Careful thats very close to some places near me!
Close?? I am in the midst of it and am trying now to fill the durn thing out but my crayon needs sharpening. :D
 
#4
You missed...
"Does your new TV stand on your old TV" :D

VH
 
#5
Oh we get the humour JJ. But in the UK we tend to refer to The Forest of Dean. It is renowned for its selective breeding.
 
#6
JJH:

In name category you did not include the ever popular Bobby Lee. Also the variant Bobby Ray as in VADM Bobby Ray Inman, Carter's head of NSA



edited to add: Also need "All of the above" in the firearms storage category.
 
#7
DavidBOC said:
JJH:

In name category you did not include the ever popular Bobby Lee. Also the variant Bobby Ray as in VADM Bobby Ray Inman, Carter's head of NSA



edited to add: Also need "All of the above" in the firearms storage category.
Well GAAAAWWWWLLLLEEEE David don't blame me--it;s from the dadburn yankee gumint.
 

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