new business idea


Joshua Slocum

I keep reading about all these fucking walts !!, why one earth any one would want to dress up and pretend to be a soldier is beyond me ! i have mates who have joined the TA for just that reason, they get the stuff issued free
so as you lot are all getting unemployed some day soon, I came up with a nice little money making scam
10 percent goes to my drugs fund ok !!
whilst painting the grate wall of China today, a couple of wannabee walts came past wearing Silvermans finest, so it got me thinking between brushstrokes how you arssers could make a few bob in yer back pocket and have a laugh as well
we create a centre of excellence for army outsourcing ( like G4S doing everything badly)
we shall call it Stirring Limes, it has a nice ring about it
we advertise next to ebay ads for military kit and in UKIPs flyers as they are all that way inclined anyway
Train to become a soldier without the hassle of joining up,only 1 weekend and you qualify
like those lose weight adverts
so to avoid those fuckers at the tax office filching off your hard earned cash, its all got to be a bit secret squirrel
we do a flyer and an online ad by liberally nicking bits of military web pages, you know pictures of THEM pictures of guns, pictures of sheep old WW2 pics ( these daft cunts wont know)
next we recruit Sinner as the first stage
on our ad it will state that membership is so secret that special measures are taken to protect every ones identity
we get one of sinners tramps to work for us, now here is the clever bit, nothing in writing that way ACABs lot cant trace us
we simply tell all these wannabees to approach a member of special forces working undercover disguised as a tramp, give him a can of white lightining and the password of the day( we change passwords weekly as we do tramps) and the first stage of an elite membership is guaranteed ( its a winner the tramp gets free booze and cant remember fuck all)

sinner rehearses his tramps to simply reply to the code word and can of beer by directing new members to a phone box where they will be contacted, telling them to stand and wait and speak to no one
our new candidate stands by the phone for ages and sinner then rings from his mobile ( payg) giving them further orders, which are to meet on a friday night at a phone box outside Victoria coach station with a rucksack silvermans finest gear and 600 sovs and a coach ticket to Glasgow
they must memorise the details and write nothing down, of course they will write it down as being UKIP supporters they are all thick
next we engage the services of CUTAWAY to build and arm the training camp
this will be in Porridge wog land, just a wee bit up the road by Loch Lomond
and being UKIP supporters will be the nearest to the jungle they will ever get
a few cheap tents and bashas knocked up, some stoves and basic hygiene arrangements ie the river Clyde to wash in, and you can shout at them drill them run the arses of them to your hearts contents all the time wearing dark scary gear and black glasses

no money is refundable and these brave warriors will have to sign a pledge to never tell any one about the camp or there special training ( of course they will creating more demand)
you then get them to write their full details and issue them with a paybook and the command to maintain discipline and wait to be called up
now I reckon 600 quid each is cheap enough and you lads can bank the readies, bung me my tip for the idea and no one is any the wiser
on the plus side, you will be getting back some of the dole money you have paid for in taxes, a weekend away in the country is fun, and if they escape the locals will kill them and eat them
so its win win
I expect a percentage of Silvermans as well for this !
right off for me pill


Book Reviewer
From what I can decipher, the RAF Regiment and the Baron have beaten you to it.

Do you think it's somehow funny or attractive to post in Cuneiform and Linear A?
You're fired.
I don't often completely stop reading a post through lack of interested, sometime to my own detriment. But I completely lost the will to live slightly before half way I'm afraid. Really sorry, thats rude of me I know.
I dunno, I see the glimmer of an opportunity here. Walts spend a small fortune on the gear/tat on ebay, then they fall over at the first three hurdles; they don't know what a service number is; they don't the slang; and they look like a bag of shit.

Sooo, the core offer needs to be fourfold: the kit (cheaper than ebay); a crash course in slang; an 8 digit service number; basic lesson in 'how to dress'.

And a quiet re-write/removal of the arrsepedia "walting with confidence" entry.

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