New age terrorists develop homeopathic bomb

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by mrrandom, May 14, 2011.

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  1. New Age terrorists develop homeopathic bomb

    The world has been placed on a heightened security alert following reports that New Age terrorists have harnessed the power of homeopathy for evil. 'Homeopathic weapons represent a major threat to world peace,' said President Barack Obama, 'they might not cause any actual damage but the placebo effect could be quite devastating.'

    The H2O-bomb has been developed by the radical New Age group, The Axis of Aquarius. In a taped message to the world, their leader, Professor Hubert Pennington, said: 'For too long the New Age movement has been dismissed as a bunch of beardy weirdy cranks and charlatans. But now we have weapons-grade homeopathy and we demand to be taken seriously.'

    Homeopathic bombs are comprised of 99.9% water but contain the merest trace element of explosive. The solution is then repeatedly diluted so as to leave only the memory of the explosive in the water molecules. According to the laws of homeopathy, the more that the water is diluted, the more powerful the bomb becomes.

    'It was only a matter of time before these people got hold of the material that they needed to make these bombs,' said former UN weapons inspector, Hans Blix, 'The world is a much more dangerous place with the advent of these Weapons of Mass Dilution.'

    'A homeopathic attack could bring entire cities to a standstill,' said BBC Security Correspondent, Frank Gardner, 'Large numbers of people could easily become convinced that they have been killed and hospitals would be unable to cope with the massive influx of the 'walking suggestible'.'

    The severity of the situation has already resulted in the New Age terror threat level being raised from 'lilac' to the more worrisome 'purple' aura. Meanwhile, new security measures at airports require that all water bottles be scanned to ensure that they are not being used to smuggle the memory of an explosion on board a plane.

    'Homeopathic weapons are the ultimate Smart Bombs,' warned President Obama, 'They are so smart that they only affect the gullible. The only defence is for everyone to remain calm, vigilant and to always wear a magic vibrating crystal.'

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  2. I just blatantly stole it from you.
  3. Just as well it's not a homophobic bomb.
  4. Special hospital units are already set up for this.

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  5. You may find this funny but the perils of Dihydrogen Monoxide are not to be underestimated you know.

    It is a disgrace that people are freely allowed to carry this stuff about with them in public with no checks and balances.
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  6. Purple_Flash

    Purple_Flash War Hero Moderator

    I had always wondered why, if dilution is supposed to increase potency, you don't find shady looking people hanging around nightclubs offering to sell you the 1000,000th dilution of cocaine...
  7. There was a comment made by some MP in parliament when the NHS funding was discussed to the effect that the more they reduced the funding for Homeopathic treatment, the more effective it should be.
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  8. Isn't that the stuff the Nazi's fed into the showers for PoWs?
  9. Hmmm dihydrogen monoxide... Sounds a bit wet to me.
  10. AQ got there first with the underpant bombing. Principle Of Dilution in action: tiny amount of PETN, one Nigerian numpty with a toasted nut sack, worldwide civil aviation panics.
  11. In the 70s I had a Livens container filled with this nasty stuff but no-one seemed to understand when I blew it to kingdom come with a couple of pounds of PE4. Maybe now they will realise their mistake and give me credit for being far-sighted enough to save the Cumbrian hills of a further dilution to horrific levels.
  12. Had a lad in our block who was terrified of Dihydrogen Monoxide.

    He was more than a bit suspect!

    Nowt a firehose and a couple of bashbrooms couldnt sort out!
  13. Why is it every time Hans Blix is mentioned I think of Kim Jong Il?
  14. is it cause your ronery
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