New Age Mommy Dearest

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by Rocketeer, Apr 26, 2006.

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  1. Was out at lunch walking the canine when I spied a reasonable looking mum stting on a bench reading a ' woman's mag ' whilst her pre-school tyke gamboled in the glade.. As I approached said youngster rushed up to mum clutching a mittfull of wild flowers and weed tops scooped from the environs..Mum looked at the child and said " Oh, Dear, You shouldn't Have. ".. what brought me to a halt wasn't the wording but the intonation..it just didn't sound ' right '..then, in the next breath she proclaimed to the wee lad. [ gawd's awful truth, arrsers and arrsettes ]

    " Sweetheart, you shouldn't pick flowers... these are the little plants sex organs and if you pull them off, the plants can't grow new little baby plants.. You wouldn't want to pull off someone's penis or vagina, right? So don't pull flowers off, okay? "

    Almost collpased in shock, disbelief and raucous laughter..the kid was absolutely crushed - it was bloody obvious to me, if not the ' mum '.. "One kind word" from the loving parent and she condemned him to 30 years of psychoanalysis and therapy...

    didn't want to compound the kid's mental state, but I felt I should have unleashed the hound on her or, at least bashed her with a brick.. sadly, I did nothing..

    had to rush home and down a few stiff drinks to clear my head..
     
  2. Maybe this is some long term "eradication" programming. In about 14 or 15 years there will be a massive influx of young recruits into the coalition forces. These new recruits will have an inbuilt moral obligation to save all plant life. These future warriors will be trained in 4-D virtual reality laser horticulture planning, fully kitted out in tie-dyed cammo, trained in the use of the combat watering can, complete with BFA (Beautiful flower attachment) and sporting body art, piercings and fluent in plant speak. An army of these highly skilled individuals will be sent directly to Afghanistan to finally finish the poppy enemy, and rid the world of those damn seeds that get stuck in every available crevice in your gob..... oh and the drug stuff.

    An unfriendly side affect of this "special force" will be an increase in RMP, RAFP, RB and MODP plant life. However a selective eradication system is in development called Multi Layer Acronym Attack Regiment (MLAAR).

    Donning Hat, Tin-Foil, Protection 1 off.