Never mind animals - Pad brats in the mess?

Happy Hour? Pad Brats in the Mess?


  • Total voters
    3
#1
Never mind cats and dogs - how about the infernal brightly-coloured scourge of the modern mess - the Pad Brat.

Overdosed on tartrazine and crisps and clogging up the TV room whilst adoring parents swap buggy stories.

Too much breeding and not enough breeding.
 
#3
Good brat removal method:

1. Wait for usual mass pad invasion, ie Sunday curry lunch or similar.

2. Buy box of Mars Bars, place on radiator/boiler until well mushy.

3. Lure rug-rats to Mars Bar issuing point. Give each brat a Mars with the wrapper opened.

4. Wait for about an hour, until a chocolate tide-mark appears around the Mess, about 2 ft off the floor. (Best results if this tide-mark extends to velvet curtains and paintings).

5. Humbly bring said tide-mark to attention of Mess Secretary/QM/CO.

6. Enjoy resulting brat/pads ban from Mess......
 
#4
Pad brats dribble less and typically can spell. Apart from that the similarities are uncanny; unimaginative pastel-coloured clothes with a sailing theme, same desire for alcopops and prejudices far beyond their age or experience.
 
#5
Ask the PMC some questions about "insurance cover" and "what happens if the little angels hurt themselves" in a worried tone of voice.
 
#6
I wasn't under the impression that an Officers' Mess was for single living in members only. If children weren't allowed, would you ever see anybody above the rank of Captain in the mess except at dinner nights?
 
#7
4(T) said:
Good brat removal method:

1. Wait for usual mass pad invasion, ie Sunday curry lunch or similar.

2. Buy box of Mars Bars, place on radiator/boiler until well mushy.

3. Lure rug-rats to Mars Bar issuing point. Give each brat a Mars with the wrapper opened.

4. Wait for about an hour, until a chocolate tide-mark appears around the Mess, about 2 ft off the floor. (Best results if this tide-mark extends to velvet curtains and paintings).

5. Humbly bring said tide-mark to attention of Mess Secretary/QM/CO.

6. Enjoy resulting brat/pads ban from Mess......
Super wheeze. Better still - introduce them to minesweeping.

Obviously this involves some initial outlay as you will have to strategically plant some rum and coke around the place, but I note your cavalier use of mars bars. Let the kids down them and then hey presto - they magically disappear leaving only vomit slicks.

The strength of this lies in the fact that it scandalises the mothers the most. Even if a weak, vacillating career-twitchy PMC allows them back in after a ridiculously short ban - they won't come.

This also works on subbies. Start them young...
 
#8
CrapSpy said:
I wasn't under the impression that an Officers' Mess was for single living in members only. If children weren't allowed, would you ever see anybody above the rank of Captain in the mess except at dinner nights?
You may marry - you may breed. If she is personable enough then bring her along. Just spare us your brood.
 
#9
Invite Michael Jackson (the singer not the general) to become an honorary Mess member, with the chance to collect another regimental badge for his blazer.

Watch the dust gather on the Thomas the Tank Engine videos in the TV room and enjoy a golden future of child-free happy hours...
 
#10
MrPVRd said:
Invite Michael Jackson (the singer not the general) to become an honorary Mess member, with the chance to collect another regimental badge for his blazer.

Watch the dust gather on the Thomas the Tank Engine videos in the TV room and enjoy a golden future of child-free happy hours...
I think that the General would probably have the same effect, although it would be the parents dodging the Mess for fear of being told what wa*kers they are (presuming that they are hats obviosuly).
 
#11
Invite Michael Jackson (the general not the singer) to become an honorary Mess member, with the chance to consign another regimental badge to history.

etc.... :twisted:
 
#12
Never mind animals - Pad brats in the mess?
And the difference is ????

Both are generally uncontrolled (although a well trained dog will sit or ferk orf on command!!!)

Both leave a trail of devestation and mess.... (see 'mars bar' idea - Outstanding!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:)
 
#13
Victorian_Captain said:
CrapSpy said:
I wasn't under the impression that an Officers' Mess was for single living in members only. If children weren't allowed, would you ever see anybody above the rank of Captain in the mess except at dinner nights?
You may marry - you may breed. If she is personable enough then bring her along. Just spare us your brood.
Using your example, does that also exclude the parent, grandparents and siblings of mess members?

Am I the only pad to contribute to this thread so far?:oops:
 
#14
I got banned from the home farm for something similar: Bought 10L of coke, (for 20 little cousins) 5 supersoakers, three pack of balloons (waterbombs) and several buckets.

At some anniversary for an deceased relative, I introduced the little darlings to the coke first, and then to the water fight materials. And then left the area until the evening- and the little brats were still going strong at 1 am.

I think getting the mothers to believe that the mess is full of irresponsible young officers waiting to fill their little darlings with rum and coke, cigars, and adult entertainment. Replace the Thomas tank engine with one of california's finest
 
#15
There was clearly a higher class of subaltern when I was living in the Mess. Firstly, we had a stock of Thomas The Tank Engine vids in the cellar bar and secondly, we left the girly officers to look after the kids. Does this not sound sensible ?
 
#16
Rightful_King_of_Norway said:
There was clearly a higher class of subaltern when I was living in the Mess. Firstly, we had a stock of Thomas The Tank Engine vids in the cellar bar and secondly, we left the girly officers to look after the kids. Does this not sound sensible ?
Not a sensible thread. It's more fun to abuse subalterns, pads and plan underage drinking and early exposure to hard core-porn for infants. However, did you give not thought to the potentially catastrophic consequences of exposing the febrile and addled minds of young female officers to children? I dare say that your mess has a lot to answer for and has spawned the next generation of Exhibit A.

In my time I never realised the Thomas the Tank Engine vids were for the children. I thought there were tanks in it...
 

cpunk

LE
Moderator
#17
Victorian_Captain said:
In my time I never realised the Thomas the Tank Engine vids were for the children. I thought there were tanks in it...
Same here, though I always preferred the German version: 'Maybach the V-12 Tiger tank engine', and his exciting adventures on the Eastern Front...
 
#18
Give it time, one day you will all have sprogs and come to regard the odd family happy hour in the Mess as a chance to neck a few cheeky ones while the offspring are under the vague control of 0A.
 
#19
Give it time, one day you will all have sprogs and come to regard the odd family happy hour in the Mess as a chance to neck a few cheeky ones while the offspring are under the vague control of 0A.
 

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