Neighbours dogs!!!!!

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by datumhead, Mar 22, 2007.

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  1. NO not the aussie crap! :numberone:

    I have an issue that is driving me NUTTTTTTSSSSSS!!!!!!! :frustrated:

    My neighbours dogs keep coming onto our property to sh*t everywhere. :shakefist: I have had words with them and this has resulted in naff all!

    Time to step it up a gear........CAN I SHOOT THE FU*CKERS? (the dogs not the people....sadly). :thumleft:

    Failing that anyone got any claymores? :plotting:
  2. Lay out some nice dog food and go kick the crap out of it while its chomping away, then do the owner as well.
  3. Each time you take a dump, fish it out of the loo and deposit it on their lawn.

    If you can face it, pick up the dog crap and sling it back into their garden....followed by the dog!

    Alternatively, if you have access to one, film the dog on a camcorder and then report it to the council with a very strong complaint.
  4. Make sure fence is secure and mutt cannot just walk onto your property,write to neighbour re-keeping mutt off your property keep copy,photo mutt doing the deed,smear dog's sh*t all over shoes/clothes(have you kids? as makes it better)photo shoes,make up journal-timetable of sh*tting going back to when they acquired mutt and then get in touch with Enviro health who will move swiftly and hit toilet neighbours with abatement/control order on mutt.Will take abit of time but will nail the fcuker!
    Good luck!
  5. Alsacien

    Alsacien LE Moderator

    Quick fix - borrow/buy a bigger dog?
  6. Try the old kiddie trick of scooping up all the turd put it in a carrier bag and deposit on neighbours doorstep. Ignite said bag and ring doorbell. The rest is history. Other than that a randon bear traps or rabbit snares should do.
  7. Best cure is meat marinated in laxative (liquid type). Feed to the dog everyday for a week. Dog normally vanishes after 2nd week as the owners get fed up of it shitting all over the house. Works quicker if you feed the dog the days no one is at home so its alone in the house.
  8. buy yourself a nice paintball gun set up your op overlooking said garden, wait for the filthy mutt and unleash hell on the four legged f##k
  9. Problem is that it is natural for the dog to curl one out. The owners must take more responsibility. SO direct the anger to them and not the poor hound.

    Blow a whistle each time the dog arches its back...
  10. Why not just climb over the fence into the neighbours garden and take a dump of his grass, Then ask him how he likes it.
  11. Quick blast on an airhorn (cheap as chips at Halfords) every time said mutt assumes the position - causes Fido to suck the turtles head back in, hopefully to leg it back home and then imitate a muckspreader on auto around the owners property.

    Failing that,

    (not that I would ever advocate perforating a pooch, of course)

    (might need understanding neighbours and coppers)

    Or being sensible... (sigh)
  12. See if you can purchase one of those low voltage cattle fences. Tie the dog owner up with it and switch it on!!
  13. Dogs are territorial and clearly consider your property to be "theirs". Not the fault of the mutt, that is what they do.

    So you need to reclaim your territory. All you have to do is make it clear to them that it is yours and deeply unpleasant things happen if they stray onto your patch. But you must not harm them nor do anything that could end up with Plod or worst of all the RSPCA on your case for "cruelty". The RSCPA does fine work but they have some people on board who have absolutely no sense of proportion.

    Hosepipes, airhorns, perhaps charging at them bellowing like a lunatic (might not want to try that with something too big and nasty!) or anything that causes them to get the message is OK. The Alarm Mines are legal but really not the sort of thing to endear you to anyone.

    I would sling the dog crap back over the fence. After all, they fed the mutt so anything it produces belongs to them.
  14. Yes, we have a cattle fence (not for the dog but for other animals) and he soon learned not to go too near to it. The only person to get zapped by it is me though (I've not peed on it.. not that brave) but when not looking when I go to grab the gate opener (isolated).
  15. spike7451

    spike7451 RIP

    Cover the garden area with chicken wire & wire to the mains!Dog touches wire...BBQ Mutt!