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neighbours Dog

#1
i'm fcuking ragin. the neighbours dog is constantly barking, day and night, its not picky. its a weasel of a dog but it wakes me and the doris up every barsteward morning around this time.

how can i dispose of this creature without going to gaol? has anyone else had similar problems?
 
#2
If it has free roam of you neighbour's house, try sticking laxatives into a sausage, then sticking it through their letterbox in the middle of the night. They'll soon get the message.
 
#3
lump of corn cob, soak in blood, toss over the fence.
to big to go down but too tasty to a dog not to scoff. with a bit of luck choked to death little yappy fecker.
 
#7
Dog-faced-soldier said:
Contact your local council and complain. There are laws about antisocial noise levels.
This is the best way forward. The Councils can be very helpful if they want to be and they'd rather face an irate dog owner than a house full of Chavs having a three day party.
 
#8
If the dog is in their garden at night and continually barking, simply climb the fence, place the dog in your garden, return to bed, see how they like it.

Alternatively, pull its front legs slowly apart until you hear the joyous crack of its chest plate. This will render the dog dead, but unable to maintain an erection if you were thinking of riding it.
 
#9
1 get on some ladders betwen your house and fence
2 wait for dog to be close to their side of fence
3 drop sky dish, alarm box, albatross sized bird feeder on the fcuker
4 make an apology saying it was an accident
5 offer to make hot dogs
 
#10
happybonzo said:
Dog-faced-soldier said:
Contact your local council and complain. There are laws about antisocial noise levels.
This is the best way forward. The Councils can be very helpful if they want to be and they'd rather face an irate dog owner than a house full of Chavs having a three day party.

Woah this is the NAAFI your posting in. Your suggestions are too sensible.


Do dogs explode like birds do if you feed them baking soda? Test this theory out on your neighbours dog.

Maybe try training up a fighting dog to send loose in their garden with the mutt. You can then invite gambling addicts round to place bets and you can make money at the same time as getting rid of the noisy hound.
 
#11
Araldite chocolates...some filled with the contents of the red tube, some with the white.. then sit back and wait for the dog have an aneurism[sic] trying to pass a turd shaped like its entire colon..
 
#13
lump of corn cob, soak in blood, toss over the fence.
to big to go down but too tasty to a dog not to scoff. with a bit of luck choked to death little yappy fecker.
My then 8 month old border collie aquired a corn cob. I tell you his facial expressions were almost human as a day later it took him a hour to grunt the thing out. :D

There's absolutely no need for a dog to bark incessantly. The owners need to adjust their behaviour and treatment of the dog. It's probably under-exercised and bored. If you're not on tallking terms with them, then the council is not a bad port of call.
 
#19
"Rover Roveeeer" Rover arrives at fence with wagging tail, lean over fence and double tap with a claw hammer, aahh silence back to bed and a quick shag for saving wife's sanity, if not use said claw hammer on wife and claim spoils of war.
 
#20
I find phoning the neighbours, at 3am when their two little shoites start yapping, quite ineffective.

However - I work most nights so it amuses me. 8)

"Hello?"

"Good morning!"

"Do you know what time it is!?!"

"Yeah, I just phoned to let you know your two dogs are barking."


Phone hangs up.

Redial

"WHAT!?!"

"Think we got cut off - you're dogs still barking!"


Phone being slammed down. :D

Best thing is they have no idea who's phoning. :lol:
 

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